Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

999

Posted by parsingtime on September 7, 2011

If 10% is good enough for God then 9% is good enough for the federal government.

I wish I was live blogging this debate.

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All-Purpose Apology for Idiots

Posted by parsingtime on June 11, 2011

Oh, Anthony, Bill, John, Eliot, Mark you are all so so dumb.

I loved this from The Week.

Since political sex scandals now erupt every few months, I am offering, as a public service, the following all-purpose apology, to be clipped and saved for those occasions when lies will no longer do. I have helpfully provided some alternative phrasing that should cover virtually any circumstance. Ready? Bring in the media.

Some time ago, I suffered a severe lapse of judgment that led me to:

(a) have an inappropriate relationship with an intern who said I was “hot”
(b) tickle hunky young members of my staff until they cried
(c) take a wide stance
(d) impregnate our nanny

For this, I take full responsibility, and apologize to:

(a) my wife
(b) my children (both legitimate and out of wedlock)
(c) my constituents
(d) and all Americans, living and dead

I am not resigning at this time, until I see what hard evidence turns up, but I do take full responsibility for:

(a) my sins
(b) my sex addiction
(c) being such an incredible effing moron

I am now:

(a) checking into a cushy rehab in Malibu
(b) embarking on a deeply spiritual journey of self-discovery and contrition
(c) arranging for a castration
(d) hiring the most ruthless lawyers and damage-control specialists I can find

While I do so, please respect my family’s privacy. It’s no excuse, but I engaged in this lapse of judgment because:

(a) when “Mr. Happy” becomes enthused, it cuts off blood flow to my brain
(b) I feel so passionately about my country that I needed to blow off some steam
(c) I have such great pecs
(d) I am a creepy old horndog

I take full responsibility for that. In conclusion, may I ask you to join me in praying for:

(a) my soul
(b) any woman who comes within 10 feet of me
(c) an even more lurid sex scandal, so that you’ll forget about this one

Thank you.

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Sigh

Posted by parsingtime on December 7, 2010

We are extending unemployment and keeping the Bush tax cuts? Really, Obama, really?

I know that like me you went to law school and sometimes math isn’t a strong point for some people who go to law school but dude, that math does not work.

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Why her?

Posted by parsingtime on July 2, 2010

I think Elena Kagan is a terrible nominee to the Supreme Court.

That is all.

Posted in Politics | 1 Comment »

Get Out

Posted by parsingtime on June 24, 2010

Kate Gosselin is scary. It will be interesting to see if her kids end up normal or not.

BP really needs to find some people who maneuver those robots without bumping crap. Watching the running feed on the news of  the oil gushing out is just bad.  Also, burning sea turtles isn’t going to endear you to anyone. Who is running their PR department?

Stanley, I really did like you but you had to be fired after your comments.  There was no way Obama could keep you and not look like a woose. Obama, dude, I voted for you. A lot of that stemmed from the fact that I can’t stand Sarah Palin but please don’t make me regret it.  I really do wonder if the office is just too much for one person. I can’t think of any president since I’ve been alive and taking an interest in politics that has done a decent job. Bill had his sex scandal amongst other things, let’s not get started on GWB, the first George Bush reneged on his no new taxes and lost after four years and Obama is looking just a smidge inept on a lot of different fronts.

Not that I’m a huge fan of either of these women but I do wonder if someone from a business background like Carly Fiorina (who was fired from her job so that’s not really a vote of confidence) or Meg Whitman can do anything for California if they win. I’m curious to see what happens.

Sports have been kind of fun as of late. First, Rodger Federer almost loses, there is a 10 hour Wimbledon match going on, the US won against Algeria in overage time.  I can’t concentrate on a whole lot at the moment since there seems to be a broken record in my head that keeps chanting “get out, get out. GET OUT ALREADY”  so the mindless sports help. I’ve also been watching Weeds, which is about a suburban housewife who becomes a pot dealer.  This is what I’ve been reduced to while I wait. And wait. And wait.

Posted in Politics, Random | Leave a Comment »

BP

Posted by parsingtime on June 8, 2010

*This is not as articulated as well as I would like but you get my gist.

I get a little frustrated when I see Facebook updates where people are talking about how awful BP is and posting phone numbers and emails for executives at the company. Then they have people commenting on their updates saying things like, I hope BP loses so much money they go bankrupt and shut down.

It’s not that I love BP or anything but people just seem so irrational to me.  Do they really think that a 1000s of people (many of whom had nothing to do with Deepwater) losing their job during a bankruptcy or merger/takeover is helpful, especially in this economy? Didn’t we bail out financial institutions when they screwed up the economy?  Do we stop building bridges when they collapse or force people to move from low-lying hurricane prone areas because of natural disasters (natural disasters are not a great example, I recognize)? Do we ban the use of guns after they are used to kill innocent people or stop flying after terrorist attacks? Bad things happen. It really sucks when it happens in something as beautiful as an ocean or the Brazilian Rain Forest or African Plains.

If we stop all deepwater drilling and gas for some reason goes up to $6 a gallon don’t you think the same people who want BP to shut down will be up in arms about how they can’t afford to feed their children because of the gas prices?

This oil rig business is a mess, people’s livelihoods have been compromised, the environment in and around the Gulf has been damaged probably for generations and it certainly seems as though BP is not doing enough, fast enough, but inundating executives with emails and phone calls isn’t going to help resolve anything.

Posted in Politics | 1 Comment »

Al and Tipper

Posted by parsingtime on June 1, 2010

What do you suppose has to happen in order for you to decide to separate after 40 years of marriage?

I mean, sure your Husband has a love child with another woman while you have breast cancer and are trying to raise two kids. That I get.

I’m constantly looking at other people’s marriages and looking for things I want to emulate and things I would never want to do in my own marriage.  I guess even after 40 years marriage is still a lot of work.

Sad.

Posted in Politics | 1 Comment »

Roman Polanski

Posted by parsingtime on October 13, 2009

Dear Mr. Polanski,

I think you’re a really great director. The Pianist was a great film, though I still haven’t convinced my Husband to see it because he is so over Holocaust films. Nevertheless, I think you are very talented.

I hear you got arrested recently. That must suck. Being in jail can’t be any fun.  I can see why you would feel tired and depressed. You’re a creative type, jail isn’t a place for someone like you I can understand that. Well except for one small teensy thing. It’s been bothering me because lots of people defend you for this. And sure, I get that it happened over 30 years ago, and the girl in question doesn’t want to prosecute because she doesn’t want to deal with the publicity but  I just can’t get over the fact that you gave a 13-year-old girl a quaalude and then raped her vaginally and anally.

Oh, I know that there is evidence of judicial misconduct and that there is evidence you didn’t know the girls real age. And of course you have a suffered greatly having to avoid countries with extradition treaties with the US and not being able to go to Hollywood to direct a film.  Hell, you weren’t even able to return to the US to accept your Oscar.  That is a travesty.

But there is also evidence that you raped a 13-year-old girl and not knowing her age really isn’t an excuse for having sex with someone who said no.  I feel bad for you I really do. Jail, even a Swiss jail can’t be a barrel of laughs. I hope that if and when you are sentenced in the US that it isn’t for a long time (though that fleeing the country thing isn’t going to make a judge happy), but you admitted you raped a 13-year-old girl and you have to be sentenced, even if you don’t serve another day in jail, because what you did was wrong.

I hope that your current life as a great director, husband and father works in your favor. You seem to have lived a more or less good life (if that can even be defined) since then and I doubt that spending the rest of it in jail is a good use of taxpayer dollars. However, like I said before you did rape a child and while justice may be blind, it doesn’t turn a blind eye.

Sincerely,
Parsing Time

Posted in Politics | 2 Comments »

Mockery

Posted by parsingtime on October 9, 2009

Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. I am shocked.

You all know I’m pretty darn liberal so perhaps I should be thrilled by this but really? The Peace Prize?  I can’t really think of anything he has done that promotes peace in such a huge way that he would deserve this award.

According to the Times of London, “It was clearly seen by the Norwegian Nobel committee as a way of expressing European gratitude for an end to the Bush Administration, approval for the election of America’s first black president and hope that Washington will honour its promise to re-engage with the world.”

This is a ridiculous reason for awarding the peace prize. The Nobel committee states that Obama gives the world, “hope for a better future.” Hope? Do they hope he will do more in the future or has 10 months worth of Presidential work really made him deserving?

I am unimpressed.

Posted in Politics, What the...? | Leave a Comment »

More General McChrystal

Posted by parsingtime on October 6, 2009

General McChrystal is coming under fire for being to frank in his remarks about the war in Afghanistan and is now experiencing a chilly relationship with the Obama administration. Some wants to remain anonymous person with the administration says, “People aren’t sure whether McChrystal is being naïve or an upstart. To my mind he doesn’t seem ready for this Washington hard-ball and is just speaking his mind too plainly.”

Surely, someone speaking plainly in Washington would be a breath of fresh air.

Posted in Politics | 1 Comment »