Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Mind the Gap

Posted by parsingtime on November 2, 2010

There are always studies and news articles about how the relationships between couples tend to deteriorate after they have kids. Babies come into this world very needy and take up a lot of time.

So far our marriage post baby has been fine.  I think the hardest part of having a kid is equating the same sort of value to my day as I equate to Husbands.  Husband comes from work and tells me all the stuff he has been doing and what people are saying and who came in with a new toupee and I’m telling him about mommy and me yoga, playgroup and the trip to Target. Sometimes I wonder if he is bored out of his ever-loving mind hearing about my day. But then I remember that even though I don’t know a lot of the people he works with I still find his day interesting and I think he feels the same way about mine.  And if he doesn’t find it interesting he is at least interested.

I think that is the crux of marriage after baby for us is that, although Husband values what I do, it is hard for me to see how that could be interesting to someone who solved hard problems all day.  There is also a clear result of what Husband does all day (pay check/bonuses/promotions) and what I do all day might create a wonderful human being or a sociopath (I’m sure Jeffery Dahmer’s mother probably didn’t think he was going to turn into  a necrophiliac)…but there is no way of knowing whether you are doing a good job or not.

I do think that in our particular situation it would be more stressful for us both to be working full-time. We have had so many random things that have required someone to be home for in the last few months that someone would be taking a half day or day off every other week. Not even adding the possibility of our child getting sick and having to be home from whatever daycare situation we might have been in.

I’m glad I get to stay home right now and I’m fortunate that a. Husband is capable of taking care of N for several hours (not all dads can or are willing) and b. that he appreciates that taking care of a small child is a lot of work.  I just have to figure out how to bridge my own mental gap.

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So Wrong

Posted by parsingtime on October 18, 2010

If you look up zip up pajamas on amazon you get this page.  Children’s zip up pj’s and men’s zip up underwear. I guess I needed to be more specific.

Husband and I went on our first date since having N last night. Sure we’ve been out to dinner many times with N, with other folks, with other folks and without N but not just us by ourselves.  It was lovely. We went to Dolce Vita and The Chocolate Bar. I had a Bellini (after 12 months of not drinking one bellini knocked me under the table), some calamari with mint and orange (not fried and delicious), pizza and yummy truffle chocolate ice cream. And surprisingly we didn’t talk about our kid very much at all. It was nice to know we still want to (and can) talk about all the things we talked about pre-baby.  Like I said it was lovely.

N is currently suffering from stranger anxiety and by strangers I mean people like my mom who she sees every week. It is a disaster.  She also seems to be teething if the chomping on her fingers is any indication and seems to going through a growth spurt which causes her to believe I am starving her to death. We’ve also found the first food that I’ve eaten that has disagreed with her. If you have a baby and are breastfeeding avoid veggie chili at all costs. Your kid’s gas and poops will cause you and your spouse to rock paper scissors whose turn it is to do diaper duty.

Other than that all is well in the land of Time.

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Life Changes

Posted by parsingtime on September 7, 2010

We went to a wedding this weekend and when the father of the bride was giving his speech, Husband turned to me and said “I can’t believe that I’ll have to do this one day for N.”

She’s only two months old and we’ve already realized we are going to cry when she gets married, which is a good 25 to 35 years away.

People say your life changes in ways you can’t imagine until you have kids. It’s annoying when people say that but it’s true.

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Christmas Came Early

Posted by parsingtime on December 17, 2009

I lied. I am no longer packing. Yesterday, the moving company guy came by to drop off some boxes and on a whim Husband asked how much it would be to pack us up. Since we had already bought boxes and packing materials off Craigslist (and packed up about 1/3 of our stuff already) Mike kindly told Husband it was $400 bucks and that’s when I came out of my cave and said, in the name of all that is holy and right in the world, YES. YES. YES.

Husband knowing that so far his two boxes did not hold a candle to my twelve realized this was a way to stop my whining about his lack of help. And come on, four hundred dollars? When we asked why the hell Mike didn’t sell us on the full move when he came by the first time (we assumed a full pack was quite expensive) he said that to some people the extra $500-$1000 is much more than they are willing to pay.

$400 for your wife’s sanity and her not becoming cranky for every hour you spend behind your computer instead of helping her pack? Worth every penny.

Husband is super pleased he gets to spend the next four days behind the computer. He is also thrilled to keep his track record of never having done any packing at 100% (he said this, I’m not even exaggerating).  I can’t even be upset about it because I’m not packing either, just cleaning up and throwing away.

Hallelujah!

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10 Years Ago

Posted by parsingtime on November 17, 2009

Ten Years ago (either yesterday, today or tomorrow one can’t really be expected to remember the exact day) Husband and I went on our first date. He asked me out via email, something he contends is not true, but I totally remember getting the email and forwarding it on to Random to see if she had been asked to dinner too. She hadn’t.

It’s kind of funny because before I ever met Husband he had been coming over to Random and I’s apartment for cooking lessons. The lessons were a ruse to meet me, which I didn’t know that at the time so of course I made myself scarce whenever he came over because Random was having a friend over of the male persuasion and I didn’t want to be the third wheel.

We went to Trudy’s…Husband was offended I didn’t offer to pay… I was amazed at his ability to get lost… and yet here we are ten years later, married and still pretty darn happy.

Happy First Date-iversary Husband.

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Real Adult

Posted by parsingtime on September 18, 2009

I was just filling out some forms and I wrote Sharma instead of Visnawathan. I had to scratch out the Sharma.  At what point will I feel completely comfortable with my married last name? I’m going to guess about 25 years since that is how long I was a Sharma.

When I turned 29 earlier this year I decided that this was my year to become a real adult. As part of that I decided it was time for me to finally own some perfume. I went to try some out recently, sprayed a scent I liked on to my wrist and promptly burst out into hives where I had sprayed.  My being a real adult is going to have to mean not smelling good.

Husband’s work is so up and down I’ve come to realize I can’t believe anything he says. He is the boy who cried wolf except he cries wolf over where we are going to live next.  I no longer believe anything he says about our next move. When the movers show up to take our furniture then I’ll believe it’s real.

I’ve been to four major American cities in every cardinal direction in the past 42 days. Craziness.

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Clenching

Posted by parsingtime on July 29, 2009

Several years ago when Husband and I first got married he would tease me for drooling while I slept.  Sometimes when we napped together there would be a little pool of spit on his shirt where I had laid my head.  Despite the fact that we regularly were swapping spit it seemed that spit anywhere else was not tolerated.

Husband gave me a drooling complex.  I no longer drool while I sleep.

Yesterday, when I was at the dentist, he told me that the clicking of my jaw when I open wide  is actually my jaw dislocating and that dislocating is caused when people clench their jaw/teeth while they sleep. 

I’m subconsciously preventing myself from drooling by clenching my jaw shut.  Husband often says I need to visit a sleep clinic for all my sleep related issues but I think Husband needs to visit a clinic on how to stop giving his wife complexes that cause her sleep issues.

I have now been given permission to drool while I sleep but somehow I don’t think it will be that easy to undo four years of jaw clenching.

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DINKs

Posted by parsingtime on July 27, 2009

Husband and I have been taking about in kids lately in the way that most couples who’ve been married for a while talk about it.  Should we? Are we ready? Do we really want kids?  The answers to those questions change from day to day.  And then we started watching 16 & Pregnant.

I have no excuse for why we are watching inane MTV shows but we are.   I don’t know if the high schoolers out there are watching and thinking it is glamorous to get pregnant but it has scared the hell out of the almost 30 year olds watching it at my house. And by scared the hell out of I mean we watch in slack jawed horror and then say things like “we could retire in Buenos Aires tomrrow if we don’t have kids”  or “we would never have to wake up every two hours” or “holy crap look at those stretch marks” or “she looks like she is in a lot of pain, you know I have a low threshold for pain right?”

And we aren’t even 16. We have traveled extensively, we both have been to grad school and don’t have to live with our pregnant mother (seriously one of the girls was living with her pregnant mother who gave birth a few weeks before she did). We should be ready and yet I see people with babies, I really wonder if we’re cut out for it. Maybe we should have done the kids thing right after we got married when we didn’t know how much we loved the freedom of doing whatever we want.  It sounds horribly selfish.  That’s because we are.

I’m just not one of those people who has the instinctual and irresistible urge to procreate.  Random aside, to note that I don’t drink excessively or do drugs because I like having control of my faculties and body. The thought of having something growing inside my body for almost a year gives me the heebie jeebies. 

Though, I never thought that I’d become a real girl and that has happened so who knows.

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Mutual Fund v. Vampires

Posted by parsingtime on July 16, 2009

Last night while laying in bed I looked over at Husband and he was reading something with lots of numbers and graphs.  Turns out it was a mutual fund quarterly report. That’s what he chose of his own free will to read before bed.

I, on the other hand, was reading a trashy novel (a book from which the HBO True Blood series is based on because Vampires are in and Twilight is so not for me) that Husband would not read unless someone offered him a million dollars to do so.

If anything represents how vastly different our interests are it is our choice of reading material.

I should have been reading the mutual fund report. I’m sure that would have put me to sleep faster.

Posted in Marriage | 3 Comments »

Surprise

Posted by parsingtime on February 23, 2009

Let me preface this post with this statement: Husband likes to scheme. He likes to buy lots of something that everyone wants and then price gouges them on eBay. I hate Husbands schemes.  I’ve written about how I don’t like Husband’s schemes before.   Husband likes to think he is opportunistic and often asks me why I don’t like making money when I tell him how much I dislike his schemes.  We just disagree on this point.

And with that on to today’s post. Remember how Husband had a surprise for me?  And how I hate surprises?  Well while out a couple of weeks ago  Husband could not contain himself a moment longer and had to tell me my surprise. It wasn’t a valentines day surprise but a birthday surprise…just given to me a little early.

So we are at dinner and he tells me he has gotten me a Kindle.  My face sort of dropped. He told me his reasoning….he does in fact know that I like to own my books but since I never can fit enough books in my luggage when we go on vacation or I travel he thought this was a great idea.  And it was. It was very thoughtful.  He is a well meaning, good Husband.

I pointed out that a Kindle went over the agreed upon birthday budget….and that’s when Husband told me not to worry because he had actually bought 5 Kindles and was planning to sell the other four on eBay for a profit so my Kindle would come in under the birthday budget.   And that’s when I said, Huuuusss…baaaaannd (if you know Husband’s real name you can understand how that would work). And he knew I wasn’t happy. 

First off, I have a hard time accepting expensive gifts (don’t ask me why, I just do — though I’m happy to buy expensive things for other people). Second, I like to own my books. And while I would “own” them so to speak on the Kindle, I wouldn’t have a hard copy. I’m that weird person who will randomly pick up a book I’ve already read (ten times)  and read a few chapters for no apparent reason other than I like to.  Third, a scheme!

I realize that I seem really ungrateful. And maybe once it gets here I’ll think it is really cool and he will be the best Husband  in the world.  It arrives this week so we shall see. I’ve been reading a lot of articles about how great the Kindle is and how much bibliophiles love it.  It’s going to be hard to get past the scheme, but I’m willing to give it a fair shot. 

When Husband came home from a business trip a few months ago with a new Longhorn key ring for me, I was beyond thrilled. It was so thoughtful…he noticed that my key ring was broken and the keys were falling off the loop and bought something I needed but a much nicer version than I would have bought myself.

I feel bad for him I really do…he wanted to do something nice for me and I’m the crazy female who prefers a key chain to a Kindle.

Honestly, we are both a bit to blame here (you know if I can just spread a bit of blame for my own damn ungratefulness). I need to get over Husband’s schemes they are a part of who he is,  he really enjoys them and they don’t hurt anyone.   And when I say that I really want an iTunes gift card or a new water bottle for the gym or a gift card to a nice hair salon because I hate my haircut but I only got it cut a few weeks ago and can’t really justify another haircut because of my Depression Era-like frugal nature…well, he should really listen.

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