Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for the ‘Bad Fashion’ Category

Maternity Don’t

Posted by parsingtime on May 6, 2013

All I can think when looking at this photo is that multiple people saw her before she left for whatever event she is at and let her walk out in a turtleneck curtain dress with matching shoes and gloves.

kardashian

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Concerts

Posted by parsingtime on February 20, 2013

Husband and I made a joint new years resolution in 2012 to see more live music. So now when anyone we remotely like comes into town we try to buy tickets. This has resulted in some good concerts and a a couple of mediocre ones.

What I find curious is how the teenage set dresses to go to concerts.  They either look like they are going to prom (waaay dressed up to see Coldplay? Why?) or like forever 21 ran out of material so they only bought half a shirt. Did their mothers see them before they left? I never dressed that way as a highschooler or college student (but we all know about my stick).

Husband and I usually go out for a semi-nice meal beforehand for two reasons, one date night without a cocktail is just sad and two because we like to miss the non-nonsensical, cacophony that is usually the opening act.  But the most I’m dressed up is pairing flats and a cute shirt with my jeans vs. Toms and a shirt I’m willing to get washable paint on. The gals in the 4 inch heels boggle my mind.

Anyway, all this has no point except that I missed writing my nonsense on parsingtime and I’m trying to return to it, even if I just write something ridiculous like how annoyed I am by people’s fashion choices.

Also gratuitous photos of my kid. What I mentioned paint didn’t I?
2012-10-23 15.04.02

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Matching Dresses: No

Posted by parsingtime on June 23, 2010

If I ever try to do something like this, please make sure you shoot me.

I don’t know which is worse, the matching dresses or the boots with fur.

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No, just No

Posted by parsingtime on June 4, 2010

I don’t care how fat/hot/tired you feel, there are no excuses for wearing this.  Ever.

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New Level of Hotness

Posted by parsingtime on April 8, 2010

I’m not even kidding you when I say that last night I looked like this man.

Except I looked like Kevin Federline the fat years. Seriously. I was wearing a wife beater and had pulled my maternity pants waistband around my non-existent waist so it looked like I was wearing saggy pants with my underwear showing.  All I needed was a hat and a scraggly goatee. I scared myself when I looked in the mirror and when I asked Husband about my trashy attire he said he hadn’t even noticed.

On the plus side Britney Spears would still sleep with me.

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Oh, Steve

Posted by parsingtime on January 28, 2010

I realize that this is not important in any way shape or form but I really wish someone would buy Steve Jobs a new shirt and a belt.

Every damn announcement he makes, whether it is to talk about his liver or the iPod, he wears the same black semi-turtle neck t-shirt and no belt. Doesn’t he know that men are required to wear a belt when they tuck in their shirts?

I wanted to talk about the State of the Union this morning but I was so distracted by Nancy Pelosi’s rapidly blinking eyes and smug looks every time Obama mentioned things the House had passed, that I can’t write anything.

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Things You Wouldn’t Know

Posted by parsingtime on December 3, 2009

This man just joined Facebook.  The world as I know it has come to end.

You might look at this photo and think this man was allowed to have kids? Look at the shorts, socks and hat? And what is he doing with a boombox and a clipboard?

It’s the things that you wouldn’t know from this photo that would surprise you about the man in the daisy dukes. Like he dropped out of school at 16 so that he could put his younger brother through University. Or that he used to super glue old cut out tires to his shoes so that he would have soles. Or that for the first 8 months of my life he sang me to sleep until he decided he was tired of having to do it every night so one night he stopped and I cried for three hours. That he rarely spanked but his favorite punishment was making us bend over and touch our toes (trust me it hurts after a minute or two when you keep your legs straight). He cried when both his kids graduated from college and grad school.  He knows how to give a great speech. If he had another life he would have liked to be in politics. He speaks Swahili and picks up languages easily.  He runs multi-million dollar projects. He loves golf with a passion. He came to every important school event, even if it meant driving all night from a power plant in Alabama to be there.  He has the messiest work desk you could ever imagine but knows exactly where to find the schematic you want. Dogs and kids love him.  He is not embarrassed to say I love you at the end of a phone conversation even if he is front of his co-workers. He is the least dorky engineer I know. He was bald when my mom married him.

He is by no means perfect (his fashion sense to this day could use some work and when he and I disagree it is with the kind of vehemence that we reserve for Rush Limbaugh ) but he is a pretty awesome dad.

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My Mom

Posted by parsingtime on November 25, 2009

Proof that my Indian mom is cooler than yours.

She was into big sunglasses way before all those celebrity socialites.

She also had the foresight to know in the mid 1980’s that one day she would live in the great state of Texas and that my dad would watch a lot of Cowboy’s football.  Disturbingly, I do believe that this shirt is still somewhere in her closet, but that’s because she throws nothing away.   She also still this slim, today, over 25 years later. And is the only mom I know that can pull off tights and a short skirt and still make it look like business attire.

Husband has told me that he checked out my mom before committing to me, he wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to be hideous in old age. Hideous or not, he is stuck with me.

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Cabbage Patch Dolls

Posted by parsingtime on November 18, 2009

This one is for Emilia. She admitted to wearing Care Bear t-shirts so I have to post a humiliating photo of me.

Here we have me wearing some sort of Cabbage Patch dolls t-shirt with puff sleeves. That alone would be bad enough but I one up the terrible shirt by pairing it with shorts that are so short that I look like I belong on women’s volleyball team. Why do I have them hiked up to my armpits?

And here we have another winning combination: bathing suit, t-shirt over the top, socks hiked up as far as they can go and tennis shoes. Why the socks and sneakers combo? I have no idea. But if my parents weren’t going to dress me like a normal human being then the least they could have done is shown me the proper way to use binoculars.

My thighs haven’t seen this kind of exposure since I realized I inherited my dad’s legs and not my mom’s in 1988.

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The 80’s: Bad Fashion

Posted by parsingtime on November 10, 2009

While on my flight to Chicago in August I was thumbing through the Delta magazine and found an ad for scanmyphoto.com, a website that (duh) scans all your old photos for pretty reasonable rates. When I was in Houston I told my mom that I wanted to go through all our old photos and get some of them scanned. All the photos from 1977 (the year my parents go married) to 1990 are in a big jumbled mess in two old cabinets from Hong Kong. So one evening my mom and went through all of them culling out things that I wanted to save digitally, including my parent’s wedding photos, that photo of me naked learning to use the toilet and all sorts of vacation photos.

What I discovered in all those photos was that the 80s truly were an awful decade for fashion.  I mean I knew about the big hair, acid washed jeans and leg warmers but seeing it on me brought home how truly awful the 80s were.  My (and the family’s) fashion faux pas are about to become your entertainment. Trust me when I post the photo of my dad wearing what can only be described as daisy dukes, you will be entertained.  And maybe horrified.

So without further ado, I bring you the first in a Parsingtime series.

This can only be titled what the hell were my parents thinking?   I think someone had probably been watching The Sound of Music a few too many times.

Heidi

Do you love how the shoes match the apron/pinafore thing going on in front?

The Hills are Alive

What’s hilarious is this photo was taken in Saudi Arabia during Christmas time. It was all of 80 degrees outside but that warranted long sleeves and a side ponytail. Also what is up with those bangs?

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