Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for October, 2011

Frida

Posted by parsingtime on October 27, 2011

I promise she will wear the cute fuzzy costume on Halloween. But I had to pencil in the unibrow.

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Look How They Shine For You

Posted by parsingtime on October 25, 2011

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Use for the Brows

Posted by parsingtime on October 24, 2011

I’m a little concerned that the two costumes we have borrowed from R&N (a chick and an elephant) are going to be a little bit hot this Halloween.  It is still almost 90 here with swarms of mosquitoes.  If God had really wanted to show those Egyptians he would have skipped the frogs and sent mosquitoes.

But I have thought up an excellent alternative costume.  It does not involve cross dressing my child and it utilizes her unibrow.

Frida. Kahlo.

Peasant dress, Flowers for hair, unibrow and bob’s your uncle.

I’m brilliant.

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Pumpkin

Posted by parsingtime on October 21, 2011

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Texas Fight

Posted by parsingtime on October 16, 2011

Homechicken and his wife purchased this sweatshirt for N when she was born I think.  At the time it looked so big I thought she would never fit into it.

She’s ready for some improvement over the last two weeks.

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Cleaning Out

Posted by parsingtime on October 16, 2011

I spent two hours cleaning out my closet tonight instead of reading US Weekly, Food and Wine and The Economist (I like mixing the high brow with a side of hunger and celebrity ridiculousness – also forced use of miles for mags).

I discovered my fat jeans are way too big and have been relegated to the top of the closet waiting until we decide on that second kid or not.  My skinny purchased in college jeans (when clearly low rise jeans meant hi, here are the goods, take a good look (also when did I become such a fuddy duddy old lady?))  have also been moved to the top of the closet. Waiting for the day when I decide not eating works for me.

One ginormous black trash bag later and a gazillion extra hangers my closet is organized (until I next do laundry). Also, I have several new pairs of jeans/pants because seemingly the bootamp lady was right. I’ve lost inches even if I haven’t lost pounds. So yay for clothes that haven’t been worn since we moved into this house.

Now if only I could convince Husband that his TX/OU t-shirt from 2000 with 6 holes should be trashed.

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Water Table

Posted by parsingtime on October 12, 2011

I bought a brand new $79 water/sand table for $20 bucks on my neighborhood classifieds.  Best 20 bucks I ever spent.

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Bert

Posted by parsingtime on October 6, 2011

I kind of want to dress N up at Bert for Halloween. She already has the unibrow (which I would darken in with an eyebrow pencil) and I could totally make her hair do that spiky thing.

Alas, I think it is cruel and unusual punishment to cross dress your child when every other costume for girls has an attached tulle tutu.

In other news she has 5 teeth coming in at one time which is cruel and unusual punishment for both of us.

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Toddler

Posted by parsingtime on October 4, 2011

15 Months old

This is what happens when you don’t tame the hair.

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15 Months

Posted by parsingtime on October 3, 2011

Dear N,

Happy 15 Months! This month has been the you need me, you want me, you love me month.  ME. Not your Dad, not your grandmother, not Enrique the checkout man (who is now a manager so least you picked a man who is moving up). Me. I love you too, but my leg is attached to my body. And I need it to walk and stuff. Also, as much as I love you I don’t love you enough to become your very own Siamese twin.  The separation anxiety fairy needs to go back to her hole in the ground and stay there for the next 40 years.  When I’m 70 and need help with my old person diaper then you can attach yourself to my leg.

Someone, who shall remain nameless, suggested the SA was my fault because I hadn’t put you in mothers day out or daycare.  To that person, I would like to say, despite the severity of your anxiety this month you have never (not since you have been able to recognize people) been one to just go to anyone.  You need some time to warm up and you definitely don’t react well to people who are immediately in your face, talking high-pitched baby talk.  I could take you to MDO. And it would probably take a couple of weeks before you were comfortable with your caretakers but you would become comfortable after a point in time but I don’t think it would “fix” what seems to me to be a personality trait.

Speaking of personality traits one of the most amazing parts about becoming a parent is discovering how much of your personality was already there when you were forcibly pulled into this world.  Sometimes you react in ways that make me see the 7-year-old N or the 18-year-old N.  A lot of who you are is already there. It’s just waiting to mature.  And that is crazy to me.  How much of you that I don’t get to shape.

On that subject there are parts of you that I do get to shape and we have been working on some basic manners now that you can say please and thank you.  I am constantly saying that if you want something all you have to say is please.  So yesterday when I was packing up some moon pop and you motioned and made whining sounds that you wanted some, instead of saying please like I asked,  you decided that you would cry for two minutes, with real tears no less, before giving in and saying please through all the tears and the snot. It is just easier to say please, no tantrum needed.  This is one area I won’t give in on, you will be polite.  I once got a job review that asked me to be more polite to the mail people and secretaries and I was personally offended by that because I am polite to everyone but telemarketers.  I realized that they were giving the same feedback to everyone in my role but it still bothers me to this day that someone would review me on my politeness.  I am polite. You will be too.

This month you have continued to expand your vocabulary and can say poopy, mommy (though it sounds like MAAAMMMEEEEEEEEE), Nani (what you call your grandmother), you can almost say your name, peach, go, ABC, 1,2,3, knee, baby, and several others that I can’t seem to recall at the moment.

Our gymnastics classes are paying off and you are becoming more agile.  You can pick yourself up off the floor now and don’t need something to brace yourself on.  You also walk like you were meant to be a biped and not a drunk frat boy trying to pass a DUI test.  You also are working those arm muscles throwing everything I give you.  We have actually instituted a rule that once you start throwing food we are done with dinner.  No one is happy about this but finger foods are at the end and I’m just not sure how do get you to understand that we don’t throw food.  It is especially perplexing given that you understand when I ask you to get your shoes, or to stand up, or press the garage door opener or that we need to go upstairs or take a bath or change your diaper.  Those things you understand and do the appropriate actions related to those requests but not throwing food is beyond your grasp.  I think you are playing me.

We have started pre-potty training. What is that you ask? Well it is you watching me use the potty (which you did already, there is no privacy in my life anymore) and then we look at the contents, discuss, flush and wash our hands.  I figure several months of this can’t hurt our future potty training.  I’m doing this for you. Unlike your father I do not like to examine the contents of the toilet. This process also keeps you from ripping toilet paper into teensy tiny shreds.  The tiny toilet paper shreds that somehow get strewn across the house are driving me nuts. Just in case you were wondering.

One random moment from the last month. We were walking into Target and you saw the big round target thingys that are outside and said, “ball.” Then you tried to push the ball so it would move out-of-the-way.  You then looked at me perplexed and said, “ball go.” As if I could make cemented to the ground Target balls move. I explained to you that while it looked like a ball, it wasn’t.  You looked so disappointed in me. I couldn’t make what was clearly a ball, move.

I can’t say I won’t disappoint you again with my lack of abilities but hopefully in the future you’ll be able to understand the explanations better and know that if I could have moved the ball I would have for you.

Love,

MAAAAMMMEEEEEEEEE

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