More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for August, 2011

Empire Building

Posted by parsingtime on August 23, 2011

The kid has been busy running her empire.

She has important reports to read regarding China’s economy.  Don’t let the Panda Bear fool you. It’s code.

Reading and writing very important emails to very important people. It’s all part of the busy life of the President of the United States of Cranky.*

She has also recently undergone a makeover and is now sporting a new look. The Pebbles do is so Bedrock circa the Stoneage.  Photos soon.

*She is actually not very cranky. But the President Charming Land gets beat up by Cranky and China, so she turned down the position.


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China by way of NYC

Posted by parsingtime on August 18, 2011

I spent last weekend with Random.  We got massaged by by Chinese ladies whose hands caused me to ache for three days but I no longer have knots in my shoulders.  We also ate, shopped, ate some more, bubble tea’d, and generally roamed around NYC. I also read three books which is more than I’ve read all year. It was lovely, many thanks to Random.

It was lovely.  I needed a mini break. I came back feeling refreshed if not rested (I think I need a beach and a month before I will feel rested) and then my kid decided to wake up at 1am screaming and all the tension the Chinese ladies had kung-fu’ed out of me came back again.

But I love the little stinker and I’ve been reading about sleep regression so we’ll continue to move forward and soon this will all be a distant memory.  All be it one that is written down for posterity in case I ever have the urge to procreate again. That btw, is a topic for another time. I might be one of those people who is happy with one kid.

I should move to China.

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Posted by parsingtime on August 17, 2011

Words my 13 month old can say:

Dada, Bye, Bath, Car, Mail, Go, Please (sounds like peas), Okay, Mama (though she is incredibly stingy with that one), Nose, Toe, Two (yes, two and toe sound remarkably similar but she uses them both correctly, points to her toe or when you ask what comes after one), shoe, ball, balloon (sounds like ball-oo), yes, no, knee

Things she can do:

Blow kisses with the kissing noise
Wave Hi and Bye
Point to her nose, ears, head, toe, bellybutton, tongue, knee
Woof, Meow, Moo, Snort (like a hippopotamus), roar (lion), oooh ooh (like a monkey or like Arsenio Hall, take your pick — still working on the fist pump)

Things she can’t do:

Drink milk from a sippy cup
And everything else — you know like read or ride a bike

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Posted by parsingtime on August 16, 2011

Dear N,

You have gotten in the habit of waking up at before 6am. Frequently getting up at 4 or 5 in the morning. I am now making note of every morning you wake me up before 6am so that when you are 16 and wanting to sleep in until 11, I will come into your room at 5am, wake you up and force you downstairs to make me breakfast.

Don’t say you didn’t have fair warning.



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This Too Shall Pass

Posted by parsingtime on August 9, 2011

Throwing up a photo of the rugrat to remind myself that normally she is a lovely fun kid to be around.

This has been a rough week.  N has had a virus that has given her stomach cramps which resulted in a Saturday night that was worse than any newborn night I’ve ever experienced. Then when Husband and I finally got up for the day at 5:30 having been up with her every hour  (switching off but it’s not like you can’t still hear the crying) it was like the worst hangover ever with none of the fun memories.

The virus, coupled with teething and the bed time fights are wearing me down.  Oh, and since she’s been sick and not eating anything I have given in and we are back on the bottle.  She won the battle and now I’m being detained in N’s version of Abu Ghraib awaiting whatever the next form of torture 13 months is going to throw at me.

PS – this morning I woke up with said virus! Sore throat! Cramping! Crying Baby at 4am! Oh My!

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Posted by parsingtime on August 8, 2011

I feel like buying something. How about we get a lake house?

No, I’m serious, how great would it be to have a place to unwind.

Because you have so much free time?

Okay, well what if we buy a new house?

We have a great interest rate and the credit rating just got downgraded. I don’t think now is the time to be shopping for a mortgage.

Okay, can I buy a fancy computer?

Yes. Go buy a fancy computer.

I would say that I had been hoodwinked except he was totally serious about the lake house. <rolls eyes>

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Nerds Playing Nerd Sports

Posted by parsingtime on August 6, 2011

So I think we should look into Creme de la Creme because so and so’s kid got into St. John by going there.

St. John? Why are you concerned about getting N into St. John. When I was in high school we played those guys in Academic Decathalon and the were the biggest nerds out there.

Academic Decathalon? So let me get this straight. You were a nerd, playing a nerd “sport” and you thought those guys were nerds?

They wore sports jackets and pocket protectors. Okay, fine I admit I was nerdy but not as much as those guys.

Who won when you played them.

They did.

Exactly. And I want N to be a winner.

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Will Work for Free

Posted by parsingtime on August 5, 2011

I very rarely nap when the baby naps but on a day like today when I really need a 20 minute kip in order to keep my strength up against the bottle throwing, glass breaking hooligan that lives in my house, the fact that I have to work really is just very annoying.

I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that VERY LARGE COMPANY, with oodles and oodles of money has not paid me since January. No that isn’t it at all.

I really hate my responsible nature sometimes.

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Posted by parsingtime on August 3, 2011


Happy 13 months Birthday.  I feel like this past month has given me taste for what your 13th year will be like.  Don’t worry, I’ll be prepared. I’m buying stock in ice cream companies.

This month you have thrown more sippy cups at my head than I care to recall.  You like milk. You like bottles. You like milk from bottles. You like water. You like sippy cups filled with water. All these things you understand. What you don’t understand is why I keep trying to give you milk in sippy cups.  I know, it is very confusing but I’m trying to save you from several years of cavities and braces and being that one three year old that everyone stares at because they still use a bottle.  So far the switch is not going well.  When the pediatrician suggested I put one ounce of milk in with 7 ounces of water and then start changing up the ratios to trick you into drinking milk from a cup, my thought was, “my that is a good suggestion for someones child but not mine.”  And I was right, you threw that cup to the ground after one sip.

And so the war continues. You have won the first few battles, but inevitably I will win. I just may not have a head at the end of it. Or a svelte body.

You are a complete and total walker now and even try to run at times. You have great balance except when you are tired and are just now getting very interested in the stairs.  You think it is funny that when I say, no to climbing the stairs to point to your nose.  I know you know the difference between no and nose but you enjoy torturing me with your oh so cute tricks.  You know what no means because right before you do something you aren’t supposed to you look at me and say no and then go right ahead into the pantry to see if you can find something that makes a good sound when thrown.

Holy moly kid you are a good mimic.    You are trying to say real words all the time.  When I come in and say good morning you reply, “gooog mum.”  You can say toe, shoe and ball know what those items are (you also say mama, dada, no and yah).  In your little head I imagine you are saying exactly what I’m saying but your mouth can’t pronounce things yet.

You also recognize hiding games and daily we both “run” around the kitchen island sneaking up on each other and saying “boo.” You say boo! It is quite exciting.  We have to work on your sneaking though because sometimes when you find me you squeal and then say boo.  We also have daily dance parties. You really know how to shake your tail feather and are still loving Adele and Modest Mouse.  You also blow kisses, which actually just involves you licking your hand when I say blow kisses. You haven’t gotten the blowing part down yet.

We are currently dealing with night time and sleep time issues as well. You are tired. You are most definitely tired but you DO NOT want to go to sleep.  You stand and cry and yawn all at the same time.  Kid, if someone put me to bed every night with a full tummy, a clean diaper and did so after giving me a bath and a lotion massage, I would have thought I had died and gone to heaven.  You act like it is Chinese water torture.  This along with the 5am wake up calls cannot continue if you want me to remain sane.

Except not really, because some parents in our neighborhood died in a car crash which left three kids orphaned. When I start to feel like I’m losing my patience I think of them and how they would gladly take one more tantrum filled day over the nothing they have now.

We are having a tough month but I’ll take it gladly in order to experience all the good things your life brings to mine.



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