Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for June, 2011

This Kid is Awesome

Posted by parsingtime on June 30, 2011

The shoulder move towards the end is hilarious. I don’t know where she gets the dancing genes from given that Husband and I married each other in large part because we both hate to dance and are no good at it.

She’s got her moves ready for Sunday.

Advertisements

Posted in Baby | 3 Comments »

Almost a Year Old

Posted by parsingtime on June 27, 2011

Posted in Baby | 2 Comments »

Pestilence

Posted by parsingtime on June 26, 2011

N and I have been sick. It is about as fun as you would imagine with added nose suctioning and mucus pukes added into the mix.  We seem to be on the mend and once again I have to say how fortunate I feel to be in my neighborhood where the people I’ve only known for the last year or so were at my doorstep with humidifiers, freshly made baby food and nosefridas within hours of hearing of the pestilence that had hit the Time household.

Truly lovely women.

 

Posted in Life | Leave a Comment »

Whole Foods

Posted by parsingtime on June 22, 2011

Some people go to bar and club openings I go to the grand opening of the Whole Foods in my neighborhood. It has been built to be like the one in Austin…it has a wine bar, parking and plugs for electric cars and is quite frankly a thing of beauty.

My heart and gas tank is happy not to have to schlep so far away but the old wallet will certainly be lighter. Call me a sucker but I love that today I got a little sample of fruit and the farmer who grew it in Washington was there handing it out and talking about sustainable farming.

Now if only Central Market were closer. Then my heart and wallet could be happy.

Posted in Life | Leave a Comment »

First Kiss

Posted by parsingtime on June 19, 2011

Happy Father’s Day to Husband who is a wonderful “Dada” and today received his first kiss from N.

Granted the kiss was in the form of an open mouth licking to the cheek that leaves a trail of saliva much like slugs leave trails of slime but it was in response to the command, “N give Dada a kiss” so it counts*.

* It totally counts though it wouldn’t surprise me if she was just trying to eat face lotion.

Posted in Baby | Leave a Comment »

More Laundry and No Chocolate

Posted by parsingtime on June 16, 2011

No sleep due to barking dog last night + N taking a short nap + bed time exorcist throw up + no secret chocolate in the house = cranky Parsing.

The kid has vomited in an exorcist manner exactly twice. Tonight it went in her hair, through the sheets down to the mattress cover and on the last clean pajamas in her size. Of course. The laundry is going (ohmyg0d THE LAUNDRY IS TAKING OVER MY HOUSE). She is wearing PJs meant for a 24 month old and seems happy as a clam. I on the other hand (and Husband who cleaned up while I bathed the urchin) ate a cold dinner (try reheating tilapia and tell me what you think) and lamented over the fact that the closest thing  I have to dessert in my house are gummy vitamins.

Bed time I think.

Posted in Life | Leave a Comment »

Beep Beep

Posted by parsingtime on June 14, 2011

Today my child sat in the car at the Children’s museum, pushed on the horn and quietly said beep beep each time she pushed it. You bet I documented that moment with my camera phone.

Posted in Baby | 2 Comments »

All-Purpose Apology for Idiots

Posted by parsingtime on June 11, 2011

Oh, Anthony, Bill, John, Eliot, Mark you are all so so dumb.

I loved this from The Week.

Since political sex scandals now erupt every few months, I am offering, as a public service, the following all-purpose apology, to be clipped and saved for those occasions when lies will no longer do. I have helpfully provided some alternative phrasing that should cover virtually any circumstance. Ready? Bring in the media.

Some time ago, I suffered a severe lapse of judgment that led me to:

(a) have an inappropriate relationship with an intern who said I was “hot”
(b) tickle hunky young members of my staff until they cried
(c) take a wide stance
(d) impregnate our nanny

For this, I take full responsibility, and apologize to:

(a) my wife
(b) my children (both legitimate and out of wedlock)
(c) my constituents
(d) and all Americans, living and dead

I am not resigning at this time, until I see what hard evidence turns up, but I do take full responsibility for:

(a) my sins
(b) my sex addiction
(c) being such an incredible effing moron

I am now:

(a) checking into a cushy rehab in Malibu
(b) embarking on a deeply spiritual journey of self-discovery and contrition
(c) arranging for a castration
(d) hiring the most ruthless lawyers and damage-control specialists I can find

While I do so, please respect my family’s privacy. It’s no excuse, but I engaged in this lapse of judgment because:

(a) when “Mr. Happy” becomes enthused, it cuts off blood flow to my brain
(b) I feel so passionately about my country that I needed to blow off some steam
(c) I have such great pecs
(d) I am a creepy old horndog

I take full responsibility for that. In conclusion, may I ask you to join me in praying for:

(a) my soul
(b) any woman who comes within 10 feet of me
(c) an even more lurid sex scandal, so that you’ll forget about this one

Thank you.

Posted in Politics | Leave a Comment »

Exotic Fruit, Choking and Puking

Posted by parsingtime on June 9, 2011

Last night Husband and I watched the first episodes of 30 Rock and Liz Lemon fears dying of choking alone in her apartment. Today I accidentally inhaled a lychee pit and almost killed myself. It was weird? Coincidental? The universe telling me not to start new TV shows? Unclear.

N likes lychees, which is good because if she didn’t we couldn’t be friends.  She did however decide to choke on a small piece of moon pop (she has a really strong gag reflex) which I fished out but she decided that wasn’t good enough so they threw up all of her red beans and brown rice/avacado lunch along with the very delicious guava, strawberry, mango smoothie I had made us.  Clearly, I couldn’t finish my smoothie after that.

Also, you KNOW that I had just put laundry in the dryer when the puking happened. Of course I had.

Why all the delicious and exotic fruit you ask? I discovered the Mexican farmers market near our neighborhood and got 9 million fruits and vegetables for $10. Also, unlike the grocery store the little abuela’s manning the stands encouraged me to try everything before I bought!

How is a Mexican farmers market different than the regular one? Well, there isn’t anyone selling hand churned goat cheese or homemade jam, which is unfortunate because I like the free samples.  It is however conveniently located near a Mexican bakery where you can buy these delicious coconut sort of scones except moister and more delicious for $.20. So it all works out. I think I might have to have Sunshine and Wife over for brunch just so I can go buy Mexican pastries.

They sent that carrier pigeon by the way. Very resourceful those two.

Posted in Life | 2 Comments »

New Babysitter

Posted by parsingtime on June 8, 2011

So I like the new babysitter. She seems nice and the baby is always alive when we come home.

She however, always brings over her MCAT stuff and when I tell her about netflix on demand or to feel free to use the ipad or eat whatever she wants out of the fridge, she always says she ate already and she is going to study.

Except that netflix tracks what you watch and so now I know that instead of studying on Saturday she watched Ponyo. Which, really do I care? No I don’t, except for the fact that I want to tell her to study because her test is less than two months away and she has a full time job during the day.

It’s like I flash forwarded 20 years without even realizing it.  I became N’s 50 year old mother who worries about motherly crap in a blink of an eye with the babysitter who is only 10 years younger than me in age and a lifetime away in experiences.

I also make her text me when she gets home so I know she has arrived home safely. I’ve become Random’s mother (Random’s mother because my mother would never ask me to text because she wouldn’t know how to read it on her phone).

Posted in Life | 1 Comment »