More Annoyed than Amused


Posted by parsingtime on February 3, 2011

Dear N,

You are seven months old today. You were born in the seventh month and when you were born your dad remarked that your birth month and day equal to the year you were born (7+3=10). That would have never occurred to me but your dad, he likes numbers. He also likes to ask me random questions, for example last week he asked if you should know your ABCs by now. I told him that given that you still can’t talk that would be difficult. Actually I don’t think I even responded just gave him a look that translated to you are crazy.

Despite your Dad’s hope that you will attend Princeton at age 5, he is still your favorite person in the world and every night when he comes home you smile so big that you forget to swallow your spit. Fortunately, he likes women who drool.

This past month you learned how to clap. It is pretty thrilling for me because I feel like it is the first thing I’ve ever taught you to do. And now you are a clapping fool, which amuses me to no end because you still have no concept as to why one would clap but you know how to do it and so you aren’t going to let an opportunity to clap pass you by.   It is funniest when I ask, clap if you have the stinkiest poop ever and then you clap. Like, yes, yes that’s me. I have the stinkiest poop ever. Put me in the Guinness book of records.

If you did belong in the Guinness book of records it would be for something that can not be mentioned here in this letter because if I do mention it, it will definitely occur and then we will all have to suffer. I will just say that you have a healthy constitution.  Knock on wood, fingers crossed and all that.

This month you have been eating up a ton of new foods. Allow me to list everything you eat so that when you are 4 and only eating chicken nuggets I can remember a happier time. Currently you eat: squash, peas, carrots, parsnips, quinoa, lentils, kohlrabi, sweet potato, broccoli, spinach, beets, pears, mangoes, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, apples, peaches. The only food you seem to have shown a, shall we say, distaste for is broccoli, which made you try to claw your face off in an effort to get whatever the hell I had just put in your mouth out.  Now I just mix it with squash or carrots and you eat it happily. Ha.

You are sleeping through the night 99 percent of the time and I have turned off the monitor completely in defense of getting a good nights sleep. The books say that most babies have some sort of way to sooth themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the night. Some babies suck their thumb you like to make dying dog noises.  It is painful to listen to at 2:30 in the morning and yet somehow I have supersonic hearing and can hear it even though your room and our room are the as far apart as you can get in our house.  But hey, I’ll take the dying dog whining over you waking up and actually needing something.

I feel like this month you’ve really become a small human and it has been a lot of fun. Don’t get me wrong I feel like your babyhood is flashing by me so fast that I won’t remember any of the details but I love seeing your independent personality exerting itself and seeing you learn new things that will actually be somewhat useful to the rest of your life is pretty darn cool. What? Clapping is somewhat essential.


PS – we also got your ears pierced this month. But it was too traumatic to mention other than in a post script.
PPS – also worth mentioning, you choked last week and I was very glad we took that CPR/First Aid class. I didn’t panic and the techniques worked.
PPPS – you also say Dadadadada a lot but since it isn’t directed towards your father I’m not counting it as a word.


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