More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for February, 2011

Awesome Parenting

Posted by parsingtime on February 20, 2011

Letting my child rip up the pages of the Atlantic Monthly (with a pacifier in her mouth so that she doesn’t actually eat the paper) while I dispense medicine and OJ to a fevered Husband.

Praying neither N nor I get sick.


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Don’t Mess with a Woman in Labor

Posted by parsingtime on February 20, 2011

I never told the story of my 27 hour labor here on the blog and even though I would like to have it recorded for my own benefit some things are better left alone. If I remember my delivery and the days after too vividly I’m pretty sure N will be an only child.

There are two things I did want to mention because it is so not in character for me to behave quite so rudely to people who a. I don’t know and b. have not done anything to warrant my treatment.

You always here about women screaming at their Husbands, while in labor, telling them never to touch them and this is their fault etc. I wasn’t ever mean towards Husband but two poor doctors definitely felt wrath. One was a poor resident, who had probably started at the hospital a few days earlier. She walked in with the regular doctor (not my doctor just the random one that checks on you in between your doctors visits) and my ob/gyn was in there already checking on me. They just opened the door and moved over to my vagina and started pointing out all the different things that were currently going on down there. They all finally looked at me and I looked at the new girl and said, “well if you’re going to get a good look at my vagina without buying me dinner we should probably be introduced, I’m Parsing.” It is not so much what I said but my tone (I was definitely annoyed). When the regular doctor came back in later I asked her to apologize for my rudeness and she said it was a good teaching moment for the girl. I guess it was also a good teaching moment for her to realize women in labor are sometimes a little on edge.

The second bout of rudeness was with the guy who came in to give me my epidural. I was having 5 to 7 minute long contractions (normals ones are a minute or so) and after 12 hours of labor I could not take one more second of the horrible awful pain, so when he knocked on the door, and asked if everyone was decent, I panted out through gritted teeth, “I’m sure you’ve seen a naked woman before. Just get in here and give me the damn drugs.” Clearly, he didn’t have to buy me dinner before seeing me naked. Probably not the best thing to say to the man who is going to stick a needle in your back but there you have it. Also, after I got the drugs, I did tell him that I loved him and he was my new best friend. I’m guessing he gets that a lot.

I had sort of forgotten about both these incidents until Husband reminded me about them. So there you go, there is nothing like 7 minute long contractions to make you say inappropriate things to complete strangers.

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Rolling In The Deep

Posted by parsingtime on February 17, 2011

My kid has sort of awesome taste in music (for a 7 month old at least). Her previous favorite song (the one that would make her smile when she heard it or pause from whatever she was doing to look in the direction of the TV/iPod etc) was C Lo’s Forget You. Yes, yes, I know, it’s not exactly the Itsy Bitsy Spider but she likes it and I play the clean version.

Her current favorite that makes her stop and clap her hands or stomp her feet to the beat (not exactly on the beat or anything but she’s trying or at least I pretend she tries) is this song by Adele:

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Posted by parsingtime on February 16, 2011

I think once you get out of the habit of writing/making mental notes about your day to put on your blog, it is hard to get back in the swing on things.

We are busy in the land of Time but I hope to return soon with the story of Husband and Justin Bieber and N’s latest shenanigans.

I would just like to give you a little post-baby PSA — do not give all your skinny clothes to goodwill  two months after you give birth because you believe that you will never fit into those clothes again. You will regret it. Also, do not underestimate the power of a daily walk.

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Posted by parsingtime on February 3, 2011

Dear N,

You are seven months old today. You were born in the seventh month and when you were born your dad remarked that your birth month and day equal to the year you were born (7+3=10). That would have never occurred to me but your dad, he likes numbers. He also likes to ask me random questions, for example last week he asked if you should know your ABCs by now. I told him that given that you still can’t talk that would be difficult. Actually I don’t think I even responded just gave him a look that translated to you are crazy.

Despite your Dad’s hope that you will attend Princeton at age 5, he is still your favorite person in the world and every night when he comes home you smile so big that you forget to swallow your spit. Fortunately, he likes women who drool.

This past month you learned how to clap. It is pretty thrilling for me because I feel like it is the first thing I’ve ever taught you to do. And now you are a clapping fool, which amuses me to no end because you still have no concept as to why one would clap but you know how to do it and so you aren’t going to let an opportunity to clap pass you by.   It is funniest when I ask, clap if you have the stinkiest poop ever and then you clap. Like, yes, yes that’s me. I have the stinkiest poop ever. Put me in the Guinness book of records.

If you did belong in the Guinness book of records it would be for something that can not be mentioned here in this letter because if I do mention it, it will definitely occur and then we will all have to suffer. I will just say that you have a healthy constitution.  Knock on wood, fingers crossed and all that.

This month you have been eating up a ton of new foods. Allow me to list everything you eat so that when you are 4 and only eating chicken nuggets I can remember a happier time. Currently you eat: squash, peas, carrots, parsnips, quinoa, lentils, kohlrabi, sweet potato, broccoli, spinach, beets, pears, mangoes, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, apples, peaches. The only food you seem to have shown a, shall we say, distaste for is broccoli, which made you try to claw your face off in an effort to get whatever the hell I had just put in your mouth out.  Now I just mix it with squash or carrots and you eat it happily. Ha.

You are sleeping through the night 99 percent of the time and I have turned off the monitor completely in defense of getting a good nights sleep. The books say that most babies have some sort of way to sooth themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the night. Some babies suck their thumb you like to make dying dog noises.  It is painful to listen to at 2:30 in the morning and yet somehow I have supersonic hearing and can hear it even though your room and our room are the as far apart as you can get in our house.  But hey, I’ll take the dying dog whining over you waking up and actually needing something.

I feel like this month you’ve really become a small human and it has been a lot of fun. Don’t get me wrong I feel like your babyhood is flashing by me so fast that I won’t remember any of the details but I love seeing your independent personality exerting itself and seeing you learn new things that will actually be somewhat useful to the rest of your life is pretty darn cool. What? Clapping is somewhat essential.


PS – we also got your ears pierced this month. But it was too traumatic to mention other than in a post script.
PPS – also worth mentioning, you choked last week and I was very glad we took that CPR/First Aid class. I didn’t panic and the techniques worked.
PPPS – you also say Dadadadada a lot but since it isn’t directed towards your father I’m not counting it as a word.

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Never Fails

Posted by parsingtime on February 1, 2011

My child has the perfect sense of timing. She ALWAYS has an epic poop explosion on the days I do laundry.  Usually right after I put clean stuff in the dryer.

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Her Fathers Daughter

Posted by parsingtime on February 1, 2011

This kid weighs less than 20 pounds and yet the stuff she is no longer using takes up three storage bins and half the garage.

The minimalist in me is horrified.

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