Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Mind the Gap

Posted by parsingtime on November 2, 2010

There are always studies and news articles about how the relationships between couples tend to deteriorate after they have kids. Babies come into this world very needy and take up a lot of time.

So far our marriage post baby has been fine.  I think the hardest part of having a kid is equating the same sort of value to my day as I equate to Husbands.  Husband comes from work and tells me all the stuff he has been doing and what people are saying and who came in with a new toupee and I’m telling him about mommy and me yoga, playgroup and the trip to Target. Sometimes I wonder if he is bored out of his ever-loving mind hearing about my day. But then I remember that even though I don’t know a lot of the people he works with I still find his day interesting and I think he feels the same way about mine.  And if he doesn’t find it interesting he is at least interested.

I think that is the crux of marriage after baby for us is that, although Husband values what I do, it is hard for me to see how that could be interesting to someone who solved hard problems all day.  There is also a clear result of what Husband does all day (pay check/bonuses/promotions) and what I do all day might create a wonderful human being or a sociopath (I’m sure Jeffery Dahmer’s mother probably didn’t think he was going to turn into  a necrophiliac)…but there is no way of knowing whether you are doing a good job or not.

I do think that in our particular situation it would be more stressful for us both to be working full-time. We have had so many random things that have required someone to be home for in the last few months that someone would be taking a half day or day off every other week. Not even adding the possibility of our child getting sick and having to be home from whatever daycare situation we might have been in.

I’m glad I get to stay home right now and I’m fortunate that a. Husband is capable of taking care of N for several hours (not all dads can or are willing) and b. that he appreciates that taking care of a small child is a lot of work.  I just have to figure out how to bridge my own mental gap.

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One Response to “Mind the Gap”

  1. Emilia said

    I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Those baby giggles have to be worth something!

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