More Annoyed than Amused

Month One

Posted by parsingtime on August 3, 2010

Dear N,

You are one month old today! I can’t believe you’ve been here a month. I can’t believe it has been a month since you were forcibly pulled out of my vagina. You suffered no ill-effects from your dramatic entrance into the world, unlike Mama who is still sitting on a boppy and whose nether regions still feel like they had a run in with a meat tenderizer.  In fact my ob described my nether regions as raw and beefy last Thursday.  I’d like to say you are totally worth it but we haven’t gone through the teenage years yet so I’m going to reserve my judgment. So far though, I wouldn’t send you back.

When I was born your grandmother thought she had given birth to a monkey and when you were placed in my arms I knew exactly what she meant.  You had and continue to have so much hair everywhere. You may not want to hear this but proportionately I think you might have more back hair than your father. Don’t worry though, even though I didn’t get laser hair removal for my 30th birthday, I’ll start saving for your 16th.

Now that you are one month old I know I didn’t give birth to a monkey but a tiny little pachyderm. I never knew newborns were so loud. You make elephant trumpeting noises regularly. It wakes me up every time you do it and when I look to check on you, you are always asleep.  I’m always amazed that you can sleep through all your trumpeting, snorting, squealing and arm waving but you do and for that I’m grateful. The car door closing though? Will wake you from the deepest slumber.

You also burp and fart like a champ and sometimes it feels like we live in a frat house because you frequently look milk-drunk and then emit the loudest burps.  Drunk on milk is all your allowed and if I see you within 100 feet of a frat house before you’re 30…well let’s just say that the laser hair removal is off the table. As for the farts your Dad and I have discovered that if we change you after the first bout of farting we will end up with baby poo all over us, the wall behind us, the bed and and the floor. We wait three or four bouts of farting before we change you.

In the last month you have learned to sleep through  a damp diaper. The first three weeks of your life? One little droplet of pee would wake you up and have you squawking for a diaper change. I changed a lot of diapers those few weeks.  You have also learned to tolerate tummy time and like looking at the strange baby in the mirror (note to you: the baby in the mirror is you). You also like it when Daddy shakes your rattle and like to hear me rhythmically shush you when you’re fussy.

You recognize Daddy and you must like him because you have yet to spit up or pee on his work clothes.  He likes you a lot. Seeing your Dad be a Dad and take to the role so wholeheartedly has been one of the nicest experiences of the last month.  You are really lucky even though he will drive you crazy teaching you his life lessons.

A few days ago we celebrated your great-grandfather’s 80th birthday. You met a bunch of new family members and were the hit of the party. Family love chubby little munchkins more than fat kids love cake…and so do I.




2 Responses to “Month One”

  1. Emilia said

    I miss you, sweet N! Happy 1 month birthday!

  2. Summer said

    What a sweet note! Baby Time is very lucky to have the both of you!!!

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