More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for August, 2010


Posted by parsingtime on August 27, 2010

Happy 5th Anniversary Husband!


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I must be tired

Posted by parsingtime on August 26, 2010

This morning as N was making her I’m going to wake up soon noises I thought, I would rather smell Rush Limbaugh’s armpits for a day than get up right now. N is sleeping quite a lot at night but I’m having to get up more (she is going to be earlier so I now get up at 1am and 4-5am instead of just 3am and 7am) and it is painful. Painful.

What do you other mom’s do during those middle of the night feedings? Because I’m going to admit that I surf facebook, read blogs and type one-handed emails on my blackberry. I love that when I email people in my mom’s group I usually get a response by the next feed because they are up with their newborns too.  It makes me feel less alone.

Three days went okay without Husband but this week taught me that I’m grateful to be a work at home mom because getting out the door on time every morning would mean I would have to wake up at 4am everyday. Yesterday we had to get out the door by nine and as I was holding N I felt wetness coming through on to my clothes. She had an explosion that went all up her back, through her clothes and on to mine. It required baths for one of us and a new set of clothes for everyone.

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Posted by parsingtime on August 25, 2010

Wearing size 2 shorts today…with gross stomach overhang when I sit but they button and zip and I can still breathe!

It’s the small things that make my day.

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So Far

Posted by parsingtime on August 24, 2010

So far this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve read in a baby book:

Remember to keep your facial expression pleasant when you are changing your baby’s diaper. He will notice any look of disgust on your face, which may teach him that his private parts are repulsive and lead him to believe that sex is “dirty” when he gets older.


I get the biggest smiles from N when I open her diaper and tell she is stinky. Though perhaps in her role as dictator of the Time Household she is just relishing in making her little minion clean up something especially displeasing to my sense of smell.

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Boring N update

Posted by parsingtime on August 23, 2010

N is officially in her own room and sleeping one five hour stretch and another three hours at night. I’m wishing that five hour stretch was from midnight to 5am but what can you do. Everyone is sleeping better. We have a video monitor which I love because I can look over without moving and see that all the squealing and grunting is N having some sort of dream and not a reason to get up and go change/feed her. And last night (this is her second week alone) she slept 7 1/2 hours. Of course that doesn’t mean I slept that long. I kept waking up to check on her because I’m paranoid and she has never slept that long before.

She slept that long because she didn’t nap during the day. You know those mom’s who tell you they can’t do anything between certain hours because it is nap time? I now understand where they are coming from. Nap time is sacred, yo.

I’ve also realized that if I push all her hair forward she has the Justin Beiber hair style going on. A baby with hair really makes for some great photo ops.

I’m all alone for the next three days as Husband is traveling for the first time since N was born. Should be interesting.

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Finally Not Walking Funny

Posted by parsingtime on August 19, 2010

It’s been forty-seven days since N was born and yesterday was the first time I didn’t stand up and feel like all my reproductive organs might fall out. People this is HUGE.  When Random came to visit I had to warn her that I may grab my nether regions in front of her and it wasn’t an homage to Michael Jackson.

I’m also out of granny panties and wearing regular underwear again. I tried to lightly jog yesterday and well no, I’m not that healed but I can walk without feeling pain in my ass so that’s something.  I can see the light.

As for my diet…well I’m just not eating much by way of sugar and carbs but I’m still eating a lot due to the breastfeeding.  I sort of want to kick the celebrities that say they lost all their weight breastfeeding. I did eat baklava yesterday because it was either do that or find someone to sell me some illegal Valium. I ate baklava, took a hot shower and let Husband deal with Screamy McScreamerson.

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It Does This By Itself I Swear

Posted by parsingtime on August 18, 2010

Dear People of the Interwebs,

Please tell my mother that she sucks at fixing hair. I’m like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  One side of my hair is styling the prep school boy look and the other side is flock of seagulls. Please see Exhibits A and B.

Someone please give her lessons. Also, note the book in the background. She has read everything I own to me already and keeps rambling on about how boring my books are…I fear she is going to start reading to me from The Economist again or at a minimum Harry Potter. She needs book suggestions otherwise I’m going to have a fear of He Who Must Not Be Named and Kim Jong Il.

Don’t let her give me his haircut or his wardrobe okay?



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Willy Nilly Silly Old Bear

Posted by parsingtime on August 17, 2010

Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

~ Christopher Robin to Pooh

This look is N saying, “my mom tried to give me a faux hawk and sometimes I humor her and her lame ideas, but I’ll be darned if I’m going to smile about it.

Doesn’t she look like she could stores nuts for winter in those cheeks?

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W and the Horses Ass

Posted by parsingtime on August 16, 2010

Husband this morning while singing the alphabet song to N stopped at V and I looked over and said W and he was all, “oh yeah, I forgot.”

Husband forgot the alphabet song which is not nearly as bad as me who makes up lyrics to the songs I don’t know…

Mama’s going to buy you a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring turns brass
Mama’s going to buy you a horses ass

That got Husband to pause and ask if I really sang about a horses ass to our 6 week old. The answer to that is yes.

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Posted by parsingtime on August 13, 2010

Today my baby will only sleep if I hold her.

Today I went to my neighborhood playgroup for the first time where I found out that none of the other 8 moms have third degree tears, have stretch marks or are having supply issues.

Today I canceled reservations for what would have been Husband and I’s first date in at least 6 weeks because our weekend visitors who decided to not come visit on Wednesday changed their mind. It’s funny I would have been completely fine with visitors this weekend and was even planning for them but when they canceled I made my own plans and I hate that I had to change them because I was looking forward to spending time alone with Husband. But now I’m annoyed with him (not about drinks last night and not about anything rational) and am wondering why I wanted to go on a date with him in the first place. Except that’s what I’m annoyed about. I wanted to spend time with him.  But now I don’t. But I do, but I don’t.

The lack of sleep (and chocolate) really does make me cranky/irrational over dumb things.

Today sucks.

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