More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for July, 2010

Case of the Mondays on Tuesday

Posted by parsingtime on July 27, 2010

I could tell you about my cracked bleeding nipples or how I somehow ended up with baby poo on my shirt yesterday or how my kid is allergic to the outdoors but instead I will leave you with this.

Tummy time is hard work, people.


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First BBQ

Posted by parsingtime on July 26, 2010

We went out to a friends house for a bbq Saturday night with N.  This week Sunshine and his fiance are getting married so Husband and I are having an adult child-free evening out  and it is my grandfather’s 80th birthday party so we are having a little family reunion.

It is possible to get out with a baby. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It just takes more planning, time and flexibility.

I was convinced we were still fun and happening…we go out with a baby! The baby fits into our life!  Except when the clock struck 10pm Saturday night I wanted to turn into a pumpkin. A sleeping pumpkin with a night time baby nurse.

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Posted by parsingtime on July 24, 2010

Three weeks post delivery and every day since at some point during the day I have gotten up from the sitting position and felt like all my reproductive organs are falling out of my hoo ha.

Is this normal and will it ever get better? I really hope so.

You know what is interesting? The only butt I’ve wiped in the last three weeks belongs to N. Post-birth you spritz with a bottle and pat dry. There is no wiping when you have stitches.  These are the things you learn after you have a baby.

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Posted by parsingtime on July 23, 2010

At some point every day I look at this little person and am amazed that Husband and I made this.

I think I told you I was expecting some sort of love at first sight type thing after being handed N in the hospital room. I didn’t…she felt like some strange alien that just sort of popped out. After almost three weeks of being together I think people say the love they have for their children was instantaneous because (well for some it is instantaneous) looking back on the experience from where they are they can’t imagine not loving their child.

When Emily visited in the hospital she said, “hello sweet girl.” to N. It has stuck and other than Stinker and baby (let’s hope she doesn’t end up like the Dirty Dancing Baby, “Dad I’m not going to Princeton because I met a dance instructor.” Husband totally would totally lose it.) that is probably what I call her the most…she is a sweet girl.

On another note and so we don’t have to end this on a sappy I love my baby moment, my feet are back to normal. They actually look like anorexic feet to me they are so thin compared to what they were. So yay for not having cankles anymore.

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Post Partum Clothes

Posted by parsingtime on July 22, 2010

An addendum to this post.

Post-pregnancy, I walked (or rather rode) out of the hospital looking about 5-6 month pregnant.  Still in maternity clothes of course. Everything was swollen and unhappy. A week after birth I looked about three months pregnant and now if you just met me you probably wouldn’t know I had a baby three weeks ago. I look like I’m carrying a bit of extra weight but nothing about the way it looks screams pregnancy. Unless you see me with the tiny human and car seat.

After you give birth you will need new underwear. Your thongs and tiny bikini panties aren’t going to hold the boat of a pad (two boats, in many cases for the first week) that has to go in your underwear. You will feel like you are 12 again with your period for the first time.  I recommend boy shorts and living close to a Target.  Also, steal all the mesh underwear you can from the hospital. Those suckers are pretty good the first few days.

You also need new bras if you are breastfeeding. My girls haven’t increased in size but the clip on aspect of nursing bras are very convenient. Also, Target sells these great nursing tanks that are nice and long and cover your torso so you can wear them under your clothes and not feel self-conscious about your deflated beach ball stomach making a uninvited appearance.

I’m 18 days post-partum and I managed to squeeze (they buttoned but there was a roll of flab hanging over the top, so attractive; also these were my fat pants) into a pair of my non-maternity shorts  late last week.  I decided to leave them unbuttoned and reused my belly band (that I used from months 3-5) to keep the zip/button closed and the keep the flab smoothed in rather than out.  So I am now borrowing a couple of pairs of my mom’s size 6 pants since the 4’s are a bit of a stretch for me and they fit fine.  Two pants sizes to lose, that’s manageable right?*

I’m still wearing the tops I wore while pregnant but that is mostly because I’m self-conscious about the flab.  I’m not cleared for exercise (hello, fistula) and probably won’t be until the six week check up but I’m going to try and take N out in the car seat/stroller thingy for walks starting tomorrow or whenever it stops raining.

*You might wander why I keep mentioning my weight here on the blog…it’s to keep me honest. If I write it here then I have to report back on my progress.  There are women who look celebrity fantastic post-birth (hi, Kelly!) but for those of us who have to work on it…well I’ll keep you posted on how long it takes.

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Baby Newspaper

Posted by parsingtime on July 21, 2010

N does not like to be wet or dirty. When she has peed or pooped she immediately lets you know by squawking and honestly if she is going Number 2 you don’t need the squawk to know…the noise she emits tells you all you need to know. For a small girl she has some man-sized bathroom sounds. Fortunately now Husband has someone else to blame the fart noises on.  For those parents to be babies pooping can sound like awful diarrhea, never fear it is normal.

The problem however is N likes to take her time with the Number 2. You change her and ten minutes later she needs another change because she wasn’t quite finished before. Girlfriend, needs a newspaper and some privacy to finish up her business.  And sometimes you wait out the squawking to see if she will finish before you change her and end up with squirting poo all over you.

So do I continue to change three diapers in a 30 minute period or do I find the equivalent of a baby newspaper to keep her busy the 20-30 minutes she needs to finish up…these are the dilemmas of my days.

I’ve become infinitely uninteresting.

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Day 17: We Went Out

Posted by parsingtime on July 20, 2010

My first outing with a newborn alone went well. N slept through her first trip to the grocery store, podiatrist (to get my crazy toe checked) and dry cleaners. And given that yesterday her longest nap was 26 minutes I was happy with her sleeping for that hour and twenty minutes. The only blip was at the grocery store when I ran into another woman’s cart because I didn’t see it over the car seat. She was very nice and told me she had an 18 month old at home so she understood. And then when I was out in the parking lot I unloaded the groceries, snapped N into her seat and then wondered what I should do with the cart. Do I leave the baby in the car and walk the 30 feet to the cart drop off or should I take her with me? I decided to leave the cart in the empty spot next to me. Bad grocery etiquette I know but I really wasn’t sure what the right answer was. She could be kidnapped! Or get too hot! Or NEED me!

She didn’t sleep yesterday but to make up for being a tad naughty she slept from 11ish to 4am and then 5 to 7:30.  Husband and I both slept like rocks.  It amazing how good several uninterrupted hours of sleep can feel after almost three weeks of two to three hour cat naps.

I have to say Husband has been great the last few weeks. He helping me out during the night and managing to function at work.  I have to function during the day as well but my duties take a lot less brain power (which inappropriate song shall I burp N to today?).

Anyway, I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable in my new role and my hoo ha seems to be doing better (but I have not forgotten the horrible, awful pain that people say you forget). I’m hoping to catch up on some news (I’ve been reading the Economist in a sing song voice to N. She seems to prefer it to US Weekly) and be able to talk about something other than the baby in the near future.

No promises though.

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Posted by parsingtime on July 18, 2010

I just pat my child’s back (burping her) to the rhythm of Gwen Stefani’s Hollaback Girl.

They really do let anyone become parents.

Also, let me add from the last post — N threw up all over our bed while taking a huge poop (on the changing mat), it required another hair wipe down and her parents had to strip their sheets, mattress pad and sleep on top of a sleeping bag (because who wants to deal with sheets in the middle of the night).

She spit up twice in the first 14 days of life and three times yesterday.

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Posted by parsingtime on July 17, 2010

Today N has had three wipe downs (her umbilical cord is still attached so she isn’t getting baths yet).  She has peed on herself and all up her back, puked in her hair and had explosive poop.  Also, newborn hair gets greasy. Who knew? I’ve discovered she won’t scream bloody murder if I use what baby experts would call “hot” water. Girlfriend does not like to be cold.

Her weight is up so our formula/breastfeeding mix seems to be working and I’m now able to pump a couple of ounces after her feeds which is better than the few milliliters I was getting. In order to achieve that I’ve been on every supplement and eating every food known to increase milk supply.  My new odor is Eau du Fenugreek. If you don’t know what fenugreek smells like, smell your sweaty gym shoes and multiply it by 1000 and add a gross spice shop smell. I smell like that even after a shower. It is really unpleasant.

The thing about weekends and babies? They are the same as weekdays and babies.  You have no idea what a full-time job being a parent is until you become one….well maybe you do but you appreciate what hard work it is especially given the overall monotony of it. Which is not to say I’m not enjoying my time. So far the kid is pretty awesome and like all new parents we find her smiles caused by gas and neck lifting abilities to be huge accomplishments but it is still a lot of work and the lack of sleep is starting to catch up with me.

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Not Fair

Posted by parsingtime on July 16, 2010

I just watched Husband eat a ginormous warm Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie covered in Graeter’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

I don’t think he should be allowed to eat that kind of stuff in front of the girl who has 14lbs to lose and a fistula in her hoo ha.

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