Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for June, 2010

Progress Report

Posted by parsingtime on June 30, 2010

4cm dilated and contracting. The doctor seems to think I will be in full-blown labor in the next day or two but an induction is scheduled for next Tuesday due to low amniotic fluid (it’s not too low otherwise she would have induced today) if the baby doesn’t show up before then.

Will keep you posted.

I find it sort of unfortunate that if Baby Time is born this weekend that I’m going to have to tell her that the number one movie at the box office was one of those dumb Twilight movies. Is that a weird thing to be annoyed about? Probably.

Edited: Having the urge to pull out the vacuum and clean bathrooms. Surely labor is imminent?

Posted in Pregnancy | 2 Comments »

Ingrown

Posted by parsingtime on June 30, 2010

That numb big toe I mentioned a few weeks ago? Not pregnancy carpal tunnel but ingrown toe nail exacerbated by swollen pregnancy feet.  How do I know this? It was really painful so I went to the podiatrist yesterday and twenty minutes later I was having minor toe surgery to remove said ingrown. Also, I have a low tolerance for pain if the toe is anything to go by.

So now I have a big ass bandage around my toe and have to take care of this sucker for the next two weeks along with a newborn (who probably won’t arrive for another two weeks because she takes after Husband and wants to make a late entrance into the world).

Ultrasound check up this morning (my first since about 24 weeks or so) to see if Baby is too big to pass through my hips and to check on whether my uterus continues to be a hospitable environment.

Posted in MOG | Leave a Comment »

Come on, come out, the weather is warm

Posted by parsingtime on June 29, 2010

Dear People Who Constantly Call To See If  The Baby Is Here,

If the baby was here or there was anything for you to know, you would know.

Stop calling.

Thanks,

Parsing, who might have an apoplectic fit if this baby chooses not to come out this week

Posted in MOG | 2 Comments »

Pottery Barn Kids Rug

Posted by parsingtime on June 28, 2010

So Husband and I are at Pottery Barn Kids picking out a rug for the baby’s room. After trying for weeks to get something neutral-ish I realized it was impossible and I had to resign myself to buying something a tad girly against my will. You know what would be really hilarious in a not so hilarious way? If this kid comes out a boy.  Supposedly this happens to people.

Anyway, so we are there looking at rugs. And this is Husbands conversation with the saleslady.

Do you guys need any help? I’ve been in the rug department for Pottery Barn for ten years.

Yeah, we are trying to decide between these two rugs. Can you tell me what the difference is between them.

Well this one is Chenille.

What is chenille?

Well how would I describe it. I don’t know it is going to be softer than this other rug though.

Oh okay.

Also, this other rug is more prone to pilling. I’ll just be honest here, these rugs aren’t meant to last a lifetime. It will start looking worn and pilling after 2-3 years. Pottery Barn Kids just doesn’t pick good textiles. I was a textile major in college.

A textile major, eh? A textile major who can’t tell Husband the difference between chenille and wool? Awesome.

We bought two rugs because we couldn’t decide and guess what? One of the rugs we received was the wrong color! Because nothing in the furniture/accessory buying business is ever 100% correct for us.  I will give Husband props for picking out the rug we are keeping.  It might be the first decorating decision he has made where I didn’t internally think, “no way is that going in our house.”

Just kidding. Sort of.

Posted in Conversations | Leave a Comment »

Back Track and Life Insurance

Posted by parsingtime on June 25, 2010

You know I think your boobs look different.

Different, how?

I don’t know. Lower or something.

Are you saying that they are sagging?

Uh…uh, no.  I think it’s probably just because your stomach is higher or something.

You just realized you said something wrong and now you are trying to back track.

Yes. Exactly.

***

Husband explaining all the life insurance precautions he has taken as we expand our family.

So you’ll be fine and can send the kid to Princeton. And then you can find someone else to marry.

Well that’s good. I guess.

Later that evening as I rub useless cream over my expanded beer gut.

I really hope you don’t die.

What?

I really hope you don’t die, because no one is going to marry me with these stretch marks.

That guy Hareth would marry you.

No he wouldn’t. He likes blonds.

Good point. You have no hope.*

*Husband didn’t actually say I had no hope. I added that in my mind.

Posted in Conversations | Leave a Comment »

Get Out

Posted by parsingtime on June 24, 2010

Kate Gosselin is scary. It will be interesting to see if her kids end up normal or not.

BP really needs to find some people who maneuver those robots without bumping crap. Watching the running feed on the news of  the oil gushing out is just bad.  Also, burning sea turtles isn’t going to endear you to anyone. Who is running their PR department?

Stanley, I really did like you but you had to be fired after your comments.  There was no way Obama could keep you and not look like a woose. Obama, dude, I voted for you. A lot of that stemmed from the fact that I can’t stand Sarah Palin but please don’t make me regret it.  I really do wonder if the office is just too much for one person. I can’t think of any president since I’ve been alive and taking an interest in politics that has done a decent job. Bill had his sex scandal amongst other things, let’s not get started on GWB, the first George Bush reneged on his no new taxes and lost after four years and Obama is looking just a smidge inept on a lot of different fronts.

Not that I’m a huge fan of either of these women but I do wonder if someone from a business background like Carly Fiorina (who was fired from her job so that’s not really a vote of confidence) or Meg Whitman can do anything for California if they win. I’m curious to see what happens.

Sports have been kind of fun as of late. First, Rodger Federer almost loses, there is a 10 hour Wimbledon match going on, the US won against Algeria in overage time.  I can’t concentrate on a whole lot at the moment since there seems to be a broken record in my head that keeps chanting “get out, get out. GET OUT ALREADY”  so the mindless sports help. I’ve also been watching Weeds, which is about a suburban housewife who becomes a pot dealer.  This is what I’ve been reduced to while I wait. And wait. And wait.

Posted in Politics, Random | Leave a Comment »

Matching Dresses: No

Posted by parsingtime on June 23, 2010

If I ever try to do something like this, please make sure you shoot me.

I don’t know which is worse, the matching dresses or the boots with fur.

Posted in Bad Fashion | 1 Comment »

Still Here

Posted by parsingtime on June 22, 2010

Surprisingly I have nothing to say if it isn’t about being pregnant. I will say that after weeks of being head down I think she turned to head up. I’m not happy about that. Clearly she enjoys mind games.

But in the interest of some diversity in my life…who is surprised that Joran Van Der Sloot retracted his murder confession? If I were going to spend 30 years in a Lima prison with a reputation for being one of the worst prisons in the world I would recant too.

Yeah, I have nothing else.

Posted in MOG | Leave a Comment »

Starting to Panic

Posted by parsingtime on June 19, 2010

Yesterdays doctor appointment has me panicking. There is a baby coming soon. A baby I have to take care of. A baby with no name!

Do we have enough wipes!? Where are my burp clothes? Are 96 newborn diapers enough?  Desitin or Boudreauxs butt paste.  I haven’t loaded the white noise CD onto the iPod for the babies room.  Am I spoiling my baby already by giving her an iPod?  What if she doesn’t like white noise?  Shouldn’t I have watched the Happiest Baby on the Block by now?

I’m in a panicky frenzy (that started at 6am – I really need more sleep than I’m getting right now) and Husband is sitting around drinking coffee and enjoying the morning and I don’t want to rush him or anything but OHMYGODWEHAVESOMUCHTODO.

Also, my stomach is really itchy. As in despite the fact that I’m panicking this baby needs to come soon otherwise my skin is going to break and all my organs are going to fall out. And no one wants to see that do they? No, they don’t.

What I really need to do is vow not to post about this pregnancy one more time unless it is to tell you I’m in labor. I’m going to try people. I’m going to try.

Posted in Pregnancy | 2 Comments »

Soon?

Posted by parsingtime on June 18, 2010

3 cm dilated and 70% effaced. It doesn’t really mean anything because I could go into labor tomorrow or I could hang out at those numbers for the next week or two but the doctor thinks I will have this baby before my due date (July 1) and that my chances of having a normal vaginal delivery are pretty good.

So, yay to progress.

I am now on the path to give birth…which means spicy food, long walks…whatever it takes for baby to come out soon. In that same vein, I went and got a mani/pedi and got my eyebrows done so that I don’t look like the unibrow spokesperson of America in photos.

It is sort of weird to be waiting around hoping to experience the worst pain you have ever experienced.

Posted in Pregnancy | 3 Comments »