More Annoyed than Amused

My Tenant is Annoying Me

Posted by parsingtime on April 27, 2010

Dear Baby,

Please take your feet off my lungs.  I can’t breathe. If I can’t breath this tenant/landlord thing we have going on won’t work. I could evict you  if I wanted. Fine, I couldn’t, it’s an empty threat but I could still name you Mildred or Hester an you would have to live with that for the rest of you life.

Look, we have ten more weeks of co-existence, let’s make it pleasant for everyone. If you do take your feet off my lungs I promise when you are thirty/pregnant/purchasing your first home not to offer unsolicited decorating suggestions or tell you 68 times what we did when you were a baby and look how well you turned out. You may not appreciate this offer now but you will, I promise.

If you choose not to remove your feet just know that an awful name is in your future. I’ll also stop all deposits of watermelon and grapefruit.



PS I should have negotiated a better lease.


One Response to “My Tenant is Annoying Me”

  1. Emilia said

    My grandmother’s name is Mildred. So is my aunt’s. Neither go by it. Please don’t do that to baby time.

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