Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for February, 2010

Erykah

Posted by parsingtime on February 17, 2010

I made my mom an iTunes playlist for her morning workouts. She and my Dad share one iTunes account (and I use the word share very lightly given she has added no music to “their” account). Anyway, while running through my Dad’s music I found things I would expect to find…The Beatles, The Stones, Jim Croce, Bowie, Clapton etc and a playlist called 500 Greatest Rock ‘n Roll Songs, which even I have to admit has some pretty awesome music in it.

And then I ran into Erykah Badu, Sade, Estelle, and Duffy. I didn’t even know my Dad was aware someone named Erykah Badu roamed the earth, let alone owned some of her music.  Which just goes to show you, your parents can still surprise you.  Also, my Indian dad is cooler than yours.

You know my parents drive me crazy quite frequently and sometimes I think they are losing their mental faculties but I really hope that my kid finds me half as surprising and interesting as I find mine.

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Gut Feeling

Posted by parsingtime on February 16, 2010

Last night while trying to decide one of those big important life decisions.

What does your gut tell you?

I don’t know. There is someone living in my gut so I don’t think my gut is a good barometer anymore.

Good point.

And it was a good point because Baby Time has recently started making movements that can actually be felt by me. Frequently those movements are in the middle of the night when I’ve shifted from crushing one shoulder to crushing the other shoulder (I miss sleeping on my stomach more than you will ever know).  Baby Time only likes sleeping on the left hand side and shows her displeasure to the right hand side by kicking my bladder. A lot. Until I get up go to the bathroom and return to crushing the left shoulder.  She is down to only making me pee once a night (we came to an agreement on the potato chip issue) but only if while she is sleeping I don’t turn her upside down on her head.

I can see her point. No one wants the blood rushing to their head in the middle of the night.

In other news I can’t believe there are still 20 more weeks to go.

Posted in Conversations, Pregnancy | 2 Comments »

Defensive Driving

Posted by parsingtime on February 15, 2010

Defensive driving is a six-hour hellacious time suck but if you go you get to see the Texas version of the Hawaiian shirt.

It’s a shirt that depicts dogs hunting birds.

Almost everyone in the class was either 70+ or 16-21.  One 17-year-old fellow who was in class for doing 44 mph in a school zone (he also informed us that he had been stopped so many times that he now qualified for the special Texas driver’s insurance for high risk drivers. Seventeen) made me want to commit murder. His hair was in his eyes, he was incapable of stringing together coherent thoughts and kept interrupting class with his random stories of all the times he had been stopped.  Every time he spoke all I could think about was if this was my child I would be one of those suicide homicide stories you see on the news. I would have to kill my child for being an utter moron and myself for not having the sense to sterilize myself.  My description of him is not doing him justice at all but trust me when I say if you had to spend six hours in class with this dude stabbing him multiple times with your pen would have crossed your mind too.

The DD teacher tries to make things funny. Ours kept talking about the Mayan calendar and how the world is going to end in 2012.  And every time he made this comment (which was supposed to be a joke, but wasn’t actually funny) this other fellow in class, who thinks that Reagan is the only President who never lied to the American public (um, they all lie, you should have figured that out by now), would talk about how the world is going to end but according to the book of Revelations we don’t know when that will be. He also said that he thought the Mayans probably got tired of chiseling in the wall and just decided to stop. They don’t know when the world is going to end. Only God does.

The DD teacher made the Mayan calendar joke at least six times. And EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I had to hear about the book of Revelations and his theory on the tired Mayans. It was awesome.

That guy was also upset that I was the first one to finish the test at the end of class. As I was walking out the door he called out to me, “I can’t believe you finished the test before me.” Uh, dude, not only did I finish the test before you (by a good 5 minutes) I also got a 100 and you didn’t and that is because you didn’t figure out that the answers of the multiple choice test were DCBA the entire way down. You should be more ashamed of not figuring that out than me beating you.

Let’s hope it’s at least another two decades before I have to repeat defensive driving. The brain only has a finite number of brain cells.

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Valentines Day Fail

Posted by parsingtime on February 13, 2010

Don’t buy this for Valentines Day. Or any day for that matter.

What a terrible idea. At least the Snuggie will keep you warm.

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Contortionist

Posted by parsingtime on February 12, 2010

I’m actually 20 weeks but this is the photo from the 19 weeks email plus that other photo needs to be off the top of the page.

Looks uncomfortable, eh? But on the bright side baby has a future as a contortionist in Cirque de Soleil.

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Good Job

Posted by parsingtime on February 11, 2010

I wasn’t going to post today because life is busy. But Husband asked me to post this.

I’m guessing it would be akward if one did try this. Enjoy.

Posted in Pregnancy | 1 Comment »

Spring Shoes

Posted by parsingtime on February 10, 2010

These have to be the most bizarre shoes I’ve ever seen on a 70 year old man.

They are tennis shoes with a spring on them. When they were flat on the ground it looked like he was wearing high heels. Perhaps he is trying to regain the spring in his step or maybe his granddaughter is Lady Gaga….or maybe this was the first prototype for those Sketchers shoes that promise you a workout while you do every day tasks (they looked really old) and Sketchers stole the idea and now he has to sue. Regardless, tres bizarre.

Sorry for the blurry photo but I’m not very good at covertly taking photos especially since the blackberry clicks really loudly when it takes a photo.

Also, I never updated you on Denim Therapy. If you have a beloved pair of jeans that get a hole in them or frayed all around the bottom, I highly recommend you mail them off to Denim Therapy. They fixed my beloved (and expensive) Joe’s Jeans for $7 and you can’t even tell they have been re-weaved.   They fix any jeans  for $7 an inch and can even turn your favorite jeans into maternity jeans and then back into regular jeans for $60!  And if you are in NYC you don’t even have to pay for postage.

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Maternity Clothes

Posted by parsingtime on February 9, 2010

In a word, shopping for maternity clothes sucks. Especially when you are 20 weeks pregnant and 9lbs heavier than you were before you were pregnant.

I continue to gain weight at a pretty normal rate. I will admit to trying to be reasonably healthy and not using pregnancy and as excuse to eat whatever the hell I want.  I have yet to sit and eat an entire bag of cheetos or a container of Hagen Daz (though Husband and I shared a marble slab concoction of oreos, cake batter, cookie dough and hot fudge on Saturday and I was sad I had gotten a small because I could have totally downed three larges all by myself).  My own clothes however, save for a few empire waist items, fit like a fat sausage trying to fit into a teeny tiny casing (what are those casings made out of anyway? Sausage and hot dog type items are so mysterious).  So I went looking for some maternity clothes and those are like gigantic mumus that hang off my body making it look like I ought to gain another 100lbs just so I fit.

Where are the designers with the in between clothes? I don’t think I will be in “real” maternity clothes for at least another two months  so what do I do in the meantime? Someone needs to come up with the in between clothes. The bella band is my new best friend (except I use the cheap Target version), I have a pair of maternity jeans that sag like nobody’s business and several maternity wifebeaters to wear under my regular tops but other than that I’m at a loss.

There is already enough suffering during pregnancy the least someone could do make it so I can dress and not feel frumpy. Rotating outfits and wearing the same thing every three days is not working for me.

Also, I was wearing my “good” outfit the one that makes me look like I’m not pregnant or just fat yesterday because I had a meeting with the mortgage loan lady (and I said I had no dependents and I don’t want her thinking about how I have a negative 5 months dependent) and she cancelled on me and rescheduled for today…so I had to come home and wash my meet the loan officer outfit. No good.

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Now He Wants a Boy

Posted by parsingtime on February 8, 2010

You seem a little sad about the girl news.

No, but maybe now I think I wanted a boy.

Why?

I mean what are we going to talk about? She’ll want to get manicures with you and I’ll be home twiddling my thumbs watching the game by myself. She probably won’t even like stocks.

She might like stocks. But I don’t like stocks and we still have stuff to talk about.

I guess.

She might not like manicures. She might like trains and football.

I guess. Do you think she’ll want to go to business school? [Insert Husband’s actual alma mater in here]

I don’t know, maybe. Do you want her to go to your school?

Yes.

And the conversation continued (including what are we going to do when she brings home some random guy she wants to marry and we hate — I told Husband we have 25 years to think of a solution so we will probably be fine) and I thought everything was fine until Husband said well if we don’t have a boy next time we will have to try for a third. And then I laughed uproariously, asked him about his malthusian population control issues and told him, no way buddy.

I may not feel maternal yet but I think Husband became a Dad at that ultrasound.

Posted in Conversations | 3 Comments »

And It’s A…

Posted by parsingtime on February 5, 2010

We had our anatomy scan yesterday and we are having a girl! Everyone here at the Parsing family is happy. Though both Husband and I could have done without the ultrasound tech pointing out our negative 5 month old baby’s anatomy in such clinical terms. Saying it’s a girl would have been preferable.  It totally made me think of her as a 13 year old with hormones, yelling at me for never letting her do anything fun and everyone else has hot pink bras why can’t she (I’m not sure why since neither my sister or I were like that).

Husband and I also separately had the same thought which was, “oh crap now we have to budget for her wedding.”

Honestly, the whole thing has become a lot more real for me. She was moving around and looked to generally be having a good time in there. The Beast is a girl.  So crazy. We need a new nickname for her I think, any suggestions?  I tried to scan our ultrasound photo but the black and white didn’t come out that well.

For some reason I expect her to look like this in five months, but I suppose she could just as easily look like Husband (I don’t have any baby photos of him though).

(Hello Parsingtime as a wrinkly monkey baby — my mom’s description)

I can’t believe someone is going to let me take something this small home without instructions. I mean a flat screen TV comes with more instructional material than a baby.

Holy crap people, we are having a baby.

Posted in Pregnancy | 5 Comments »