Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

We’ve Eaten Enough

Posted by parsingtime on January 29, 2010

Despite eating an enormous bowl of cereal, half a bagel, 2lbs of grapes (I’m not even joking), a peach, a pear, a vat of minestrone soup, two Digestive biscuits, left over Indian food, almonds, yogurt and edamame The Beast still seems to be hungry.

And it wants chocolate mini eggs, a Costco sized bag of salt and vinegar potato chips, a spicy tuna roll, a banh mi sandwich with extra jalapenos and an entire veggie pizza with siracha.

Dear Baby,

Did you know that the books say you and I only need an extra 300 calories per day? You get those extra calories at breakfast and yet you are not appeased. Do you have an over-eating disorder we need to discuss?

Please get full. There is NO MORE ROOM IN MY STOMACH.  In fact, if you do want me to eat more then you are going to have to give up some amniotic fluid room. That means less swimming space.

Also, while we are having this talk, why is it you don’t have to pee that much during the day but at night you need to go all the time –I do believe this is an example of you messing with me and I don’t appreciate it, remember I get to be in charge in a few months, sort of. Alright, fine,  I get to be in charge in like two years, but still at some point I do get to be in charge and I won’t forget these in utero months — I prefer not to have to pee three times a night, it disturbs my sleep. So if you could find a way to sort that out I would be thrilled.

Thrilled enough that I might let you eat potato chips. Think about it. I’m open to bargaining and bribery. Let’s make a deal.

Love,

Your Mom? Mommy? Mama? Let’s go with Host for now. I don’t feel like  a Mom yet.*

* For those of you who send hate mail about what a terrible parent I’m going to be…it’s a joke. I recognize that the person growing in my body is not purposely,with malicious intent, causing the hunger or multiple potty breaks. Also, I can’t believe I have to spell that out…humorless people.

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2 Responses to “We’ve Eaten Enough”

  1. Hannah said

    Those humorless people would loooovvvve to hear what I think about my 11 month old.

  2. Emilia said

    Who sends you hate mail? You should post it so we can mock it.
    As an aside, salt and vinegar chips are always good for me. Yum. The saltier and vinegary the better!

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