Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Apples Now Make Me Homicidal

Posted by parsingtime on December 8, 2009

So I’m sitting watching the Food Network and Husband asks if we have any bananas. We don’t. But there is an apple. I see him looking at the apple and I know this man. He is thinking, I don’t want the whole apple. I don’t want to cut it myself. Apples seem like a lot more effort than just peeling a banana.

I know these things because this is the same man who has instituted a new family rule, that whenever I’m eating a clementine I should just assume he wants one too and peel an extra for him.

So I offer to share the apple and tell him to bring it over with a knife and I’ll cut it.  Oh and don’t forget to wash it. Literally five minutes later I look up from watching the Neely’s make BBQ pot stickers and he is still at the sink. Washing the same apple.  Under hot water.

His excuse? He started thinking about something else and the hot water felt good.

He then comes over and watches for a few minutes with me and asks if people like the Neely’s. I tell him I think so.  And he says we could get a cooking show because we are Indian and they don’t have any Indian’s on the Food Network. I tell him I’m pretty sure you have to have cooking skills to get a cooking show.  He says he would learn if he was getting paid well.

Then when the apple is eaten he goes over to the sink and asks if he should put the dish in the dishwasher or just rinse it off.  I wonder aloud how a person reaches the age of 29 without knowing that dirty dishes get washed and look around for where my trusty umbrella is because the man who can’t cut an apple wants a cooking show and my cranky ice cream deprived heart can’t take it anymore.

Please, please someone find him a job. Please.

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2 Responses to “Apples Now Make Me Homicidal”

  1. Car said

    Get him one of those apple cutter/corer thingys where you just push down and it gets sliced/cored.

  2. Kelly said

    That sounds just like my husband. Sometimes I suspect he is inept in the kitchen and with the kids so I won’t ask him to do stuff. One time I asked him to put the spaghetti in the pot (I had already boiled the water and everything) while I taught a lesson. Ten minutes later it was on fire because he just left it sticking out of the pot instead of waiting a few seconds and pushing it down.

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