Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Amazing Race

Posted by parsingtime on September 4, 2009

Since we moved to Charlotte Husband and I have been watching The Amazing Race. I fully recognize that we have too much free time here and we fill it with mindless television (Whale Wars, Flipping Out — I’ve joined the reality television bandwagon ten years late) .  I tried going to the gym more than once a day but Husband decided that was crazy so TV was the next best option.

They had the season finale in May and two lawyers won! Nerdy lawyers! Asian lawyers! From Harvard!  Which is not my alma mater but nevertheless has a special place in my heart.  I would LOVE to be on this show.  Not to be on TV but just to travel around the world doing crazy stuff.  It is like a ginormous scavenger hunt in cool locales.

I was telling Husband about how I want to be on the show and he of course responded that he would never be on the Amazing Race. Not because he doesn’t like it but there is no way he is going to carry a 200 lb dead pig across a Hawaiian beach or run two miles in his underwear in 20 degree weather in Russia.  He would pay someone to do those things for him.  Husband delegates.

I wouldn’t want him on my team anyway.  I like being married to him. Married couples never fair well on this show. In fact, married couples should never be on or do a reality show (Jon and Kate and Jessica and Nick have proven that point nicely).

Anyway, so if I was going to be on Amazing Race my dream partners would be, in no particular order:

  • Tiger Woods – he’s strong, seems smart, is competitive. He seems like he would be a good team member. My only fear would be he wouldn’t do some of the more daring tasks for fear of injury. I’m sure there are clauses in his Nike contracts saying, “no bungy jumping” etc. He seems bossy though. I’m not basing that on anything except I think he seems bossy. LeBron James would fit this category and seems less bossy. I’ve changed my mind and I pick LeBron. Anyone who Warren likes, I like. Oooh, or Rafael Nadal because if you are going to pick a sports star, why not pick one with an accent.
  • My sister. She is a doctor and regularly looks at and removes female reproductive parts. If you can do that day in and day out without puking you could eat some Scorpions in China.   I would also feel comfortable yelling at her without worrying about how it is damaging our relationship. This comes from having shared a tiny bathroom all through high school…do that without killing each other and nothing can break you apart. The only issue with M being my partner is no female team has ever won. And I would want to win.
  • Ricky Gervais. Who wouldn’t want to be on the team of someone hilarious? I bet he would be willing to try something crazy for a laugh.
  • James Carville. He is bald, acerbic, sharp, hates Dick Cheney as much as I do and he seems strong in a wiry old man way.  He would be good at strategy.
  • Singers. When I was originally thinking of people I would want on my team I immediately thought of singers/bands that I would love to meet (mostly because of my delusional rock star dreams). It has nothing to do with their Amazing Race abilities….though don’t you think Pink would be bad ass at the game?
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