Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for May, 2009

Lottery

Posted by parsingtime on May 27, 2009

So the North Carolina lottery is up to $222 million tonight and since the Hog bought lottery tickets, we had to buy lottery tickets even though there is only a gazillion to one chance we will win.  We are not going to win people but in case we do….

So what if we won the lottery but in order to collect the money we had to get a divorce and could never be married again and you have to give up your engagement and wedding rings.

I don’t know. Did we win the entire $222 million?

Yes. Let me change the scenario we are divorced and we can’t live with each other.

My answer would be no then I would just give up the money.

Well what if we could live together?

Then I think I would say okay to the divorce.

 Of course you would. It’s $222 MILLION dollars.  Who cares if we are married or not.

We’ll be life partners, like gay people.

Except we had a choice to be married or not.

Except we had a choice. <Sigh, shakes head>

Posted in Conversations | 1 Comment »

Hives 2009 Part II

Posted by parsingtime on May 27, 2009

My ENTIRE back and both my arms are covered in hives and they itch like a mother. Of course when I was at the doctor’s this morning? No hives. Not. A. Single. One. 

The little buggers have a mind of their own. 

My hair and teeth itch.

Posted in MOG | Leave a Comment »

Hives 2009

Posted by parsingtime on May 25, 2009

The other day I had the thought that this was the first time since 2005 that I seemed to have made it through a spring season without any hives.

I jinxed myself.   Two days later these guys showed up again.  On a positive note I sleep like a baby while on Zyrtec.

Posted in Me | 5 Comments »

NASCAR

Posted by parsingtime on May 18, 2009

We went to a NASCAR race this weekend.  When in Rome and all that…if Rome was in Redneck Country.   Did you know that when you go to a NASCAR event you can take your own small cooler into the track? I did not know this. You can fit 15 beers into one small cooler. I did not know this either.  There are people capable of drinking 15 beers in a couple of hours. I also did not know this. Seriously, I’m not that thirsty even if they are serving my favorite drink (which right now is still fresh squeezed grapefruit juice).

We headed out in the morning and tailgated for several hours before heading out to the race. I was corrected several times for calling it a “game.” It is not a game people, it is a race and people take it seriously so you better take it seriously.

This is a photo of the only three Asians at the race. Out of 150,000 people.

Tailgating at NASCAR

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are wearing our NASCAR gear from Wal-Mart and yes the goal is to be as tacky as possible. Unfortunately, I forgot to wear my awesome Dale, Jr. Mountain Dew hat.  Dale, Jr is a god in the racing world in case you didn’t know.

Fun times were had by all.

NASCAR

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, really it was a lot of fun. Once the people sitting around us realized that we were racing novices  and not terrorists they were happy to explain all the drama and strategy.  And we got to see a crash, which was pretty awesome.

Posted in Queen City | 3 Comments »

People in the News

Posted by parsingtime on May 18, 2009

People in the news that we actually know!

A guy from this article is a section mate of Husband’s from B-school.  He used to go the gym at the same time as me and would either wear short cut off jeans or swim trunks. And yet despite gym clothing faux pas, he is in the Economist. The Economist! One of my life goals is to one day have one of my comments published in the Economist.

A guy from this article is a friend from Dallas and his wife used to be in my book club in Boston.

This guy is a friend’s brother here in Carolina. I think it is awesome to be in politics and have a last name like Rouser.

And this guy was Husband’s best man and took us to super secret awesome sushi in SF.  Look at him…he is three spots away from JJ Abrams in terms of creativity. Three spots! I just saw Star Trek this weekend and JJ is pretty darn good. But the guy ahead of him from Facebook? Come on. It is totally awesome that Stephen beat Ev Williams.  I mean that guy is everywhere with Twitter these days. Stephen should have been on Oprah. He was robbed!

Posted in Family & Friends | 1 Comment »

Snowball

Posted by parsingtime on May 5, 2009

The Economist had an interesting story about Snowball the dancing Cockatoo. Basically the gist of the story is that Parrots can not only mimic words and phrases but also rhythm and dancing.  They proved this scientifically which is why the article appeared in the magazine and of course after I read about Snowball I had to go check him out.

Here he is with his head banging version of Another One Bites the Dust. You can check out his version of Backstreet Boy’s Everybody  on youtube.

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

A Soft Spot for Hard Times

Posted by parsingtime on May 4, 2009

There is a name for the type of news I like to subject myself to.

By making yourself miserable about the frightful hell that awaits us, you feel better. Pessimism can be bliss too.

Thanks Random.

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

No Taste

Posted by parsingtime on May 4, 2009

Conversation between Me, my Dad and my Sister.

Dad: You guys better give me some good decorating ideas otherwise the new place is going to look like my pants with the palm trees on it. 

Me: M has already told me about those and how hideous they are. She said you wore them in Europe with a matching hat.  

Dad: I think I’m going to put some sand on the floor of the solarium and add a Tiki Bar (this was said for the benefit of my mother because for some reason he likes to hear her screech in disapproval) wear my pants and pretend I’m in the South Pacific. By the way, those pants are Brooks Brothers and very expensive.

M: Just because they are Brooks Brothers doesn’t mean they are nice. There is a reason they were on sale for $20.

Dad: They were $10 and you only think they are hideous because your Mum thinks they are (my dad is from England, I don’t think he has ever said Mom his entire life). I bet TK (this is Husband but I’m thinking of giving him a new nickname because Husband is kind of a weird word, I’ve decided. Is Husband derived from Husbandry, do we know the origins?) would take my side.

Me: Ha. I doubt it. He knows better.

Dad: If you were nicer to him he might speak up more.

BTW, in any conversation with my parents that occurs if  TK and I disagree on something my parents always take his side and tell me I’m too mean to him. Basically he can do wrong in my parents eyes.  I’m still trying to figure out what magic fairy crack dust he used so that I can use it on his parents.

Posted in Family & Friends | 2 Comments »

Other Girlfriend

Posted by parsingtime on May 2, 2009

We often have music playing during the day. I listen to Pandora a lot and if Husband and I are both home we will turn on the iPod or one of the cable music stations. Last night some Christina Aguilera song came on.

You used to really love Christina Aguilera.

I have NEVER loved Christina Aguilera.

Really I thought you loved her music.

I don’t have anything of hers on my iPod. I can’t stand her.

Huh. Weird. I could have sworn…

It must have been one of your OTHER girlfriends who liked her.

I guess. Probably <as he frowns trying to think of this elusive girlfriend which of course he won’t tell me about because he loves to frustrate me by giving me no information about his old girlfriends  – uh hello, not jealous of high school girlfriends just curious about the girl V calls Horseface).

How is it that I know practically everything there is to know about this man and he can’t remember that I don’t like singers who cater to teeny boppers?

Posted in Conversations | 4 Comments »