More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for April, 2009

Lip Licking

Posted by parsingtime on April 30, 2009

Only really weird or gross men hit on me.  It is unfortunate because it does nothing for my ego.

While riding the BART on Thursday some random homeless looking guy sitting across the aisle and one row in front of me took out a camera pointed it toward me and started taking photographs. Somewhere out there I’m sure I’m on an Indian girls wearing sunglasses porn site.

Then the man in front of me (seeing what the other guy had done) turned around and looked, turned back to face forward and then turned his whole body so he was facing me. He then licked his lips (I get the heebie jeebies just thinking about the lip licking) and said:

Hey baby, you so beautiful. I cain’t speak to your intelligence but you all that and that and somethin’ going on.

Me in my brilliance was like uh thanks, while thinking does this man think I’m going to get off with him at his stop? Has this line worked in the past? I am totally making the real estate agent drive me back to the city.


Posted in Conversations | 1 Comment »

I Didn’t Wear Flowers In My Hair

Posted by parsingtime on April 29, 2009

So we are back from San Francisco. The closing went well and I didn’t have to smack the real estate agent around, which of course made me sad. I enjoy a good smack down once in a while.  My parents new place is great and has an awesome view of SF. We saw a ton of good friends, ate lots of really great food and got to hang out in a city where you get to walk places (which  I love). If the weather had been a tad warmer it would have been perfect. The 40 degree weather did not stop me eating Bi-Rite Creamery ice cream.  Of course, eating Bi-Rite did make me bitter that I don’t live in a city with excellent ice cream.

Anyway, quick run down of the weekend…we started out at Bix with S&M.  I don’t think they are into S&M but if they are who cares? They are newly engaged and so in-love….and as we all know, I love seeing newly engaged people in love , you know, before the horror of wedding planning kills the glow. Just kidding!  Their engagement story was super cute especially since they had a conversation that I would have put up here had it been Husband and I (No, no, you are telling the story wrong. Where was I standing….I’m not telling it wrong. Fine you tell it.)  Very cute.  Anyway, we had a really nice dinner with them though by the end of the meal (11ish PST) I was fading fast. You know I’m tired when I don’t have enough energy to hog the shared dessert.

Friday, I hit up H&M because there aren’t any in NC and bought one sad little item. That place is so hit or miss. Husband and I then met up with a friend from B-School for Burmese food, I think it was called Mandalay. We ate this salad made out of tea leaves, lentils, peanuts and some other stuff that was really good. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Burmese food but now just tell me when we are going to Rangoon and I’ll be there. The military junta will give me a visa right?  Our friend is in the midst of doing entrepreneurial stuff from scratch which I always find impressive. He is literally starting his own thing and it seems like he has several ideas knocking about. I hope it works out for him.

Next up, super secret sushi with Stephen&G. I was only allowed to eat dinner at this place so long as the name and location were kept secret. It is a tiny little restaurant and the sushi chef/owner is like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. If you order and sound like you don’t know what you are doing they will just refuse you service or give you bad cuts of fish. Fortunately, Stephen is a connoisseur.  I ate all sorts of fish I had never tried before and like them all, except for the sea urchin. Have any of you tried sea urchin? It is like a cold, gooey, gelatinous, squelch-y ball that explodes sea urchin guts in your mouth.  There is a surprise center, but it’s not a good surprise.  Other than that the entire meal was fantastic. I haven’t had better sushi.  We had a really nice evening…that included Bi-Rite and a stroll around Embarcadero food market place (I forgot the real name).

We really didn’t do much touristy stuff in SF. Husband and I have done all of that already. So we just met up with friends and ate a lot. Fortunately, we also walked a ton (up steep hills!) so I think it all evens out. Saturday was our last full day in SF and we met up with all our B-school friends. I managed to pick a restaurant that was smack dab between about 10 strip clubs. Oops. It was a great time and I haven’t laughed that much in ages. It made me miss Boston.

I was sad to be heading back to Charlotte. Being in SF where we have 20 people we would love to see on a regular basis made me realize how lonely we are in CLT.  We have friends but not really good friends.

Husband is off traveling this week so I am once again alone but at least I’ve been fortified by four days of good food and friends.

Posted in Family & Friends, Travel | 1 Comment »


Posted by parsingtime on April 18, 2009

The stitches are out but my hand isn’t completely healed so now I have some sort of special medical strips holding my skin together. It looks as lovely as it sounds. Also, getting stitches out? Hurts because your skin grows on to it, like the woman who got stuck on that toilet.

Husband is out of town. So I’m a little lonely…and by a little lonely, I mean bored out of my ever loving mind. I do of course get to eat as much grapefruit as I want without anyone looking at me like I’m insane. I go through food phases. It is well documented.  The grapefruit phase will pass,  eventually.  My latest condiment love? Wasabi Mayo. It tastes great on everything. Except cookies.

Husband and I are heading to SF. My parents stellar real estate agent set the closing on their new condo out there for when they are in Europe. So they gave me power of attorney, the password to their bank account and I’m closing on their house.  My parents being the nice folks they are also said I could bring  Husband to California so that we could just make a weekend of the closing disaster.  We bought plane tickets, made hotel reservations and then the awesome so smart real estate agent told me she could just fed ex the documents to me and then I could fed ex them back.  Gah. I hate her so much. The list of things she has managed to screw up is unbelievable. We are still going since we have more friends in SF than we do in Charlotte (no really by a lot) and because who passes up a trip to SF where good food and friends reside.

Also, to all of you worried Texas is going to secede from the United States….don’t.  Rick Perry is just trying to reelected.

I’m bored.

Posted in Navel Gazing | 1 Comment »

Medical Records

Posted by parsingtime on April 7, 2009

During Sunday’s emergency medical situation, Husband got some validation for a project he made me do a couple of weeks ago. He asked me to create a medical file in excel with all the data regarding doctor’s visits, cholesterol, vaccinations etc.  I did it, but not happily. I told him it was depressing to look back at all my old medical records and discover my 19 year old stats.

On Sunday they asked when my last tetanus shot was and since I had just emailed the file to Husband and he was able to pull it up on his blackberry and save me from having two shots.  The shot in the gaping hole on my hand? That unfortunately could not be avoided.

Husband actually deserves more than validation as he has learned how to put my hair in a ponytail (so it doesn’t get wet in the shower), snap on a bra (his only experience with bras prior to this was getting them off) and will be washing dishes and making dinner, under my direction, for at least the next week. So go Husband.

My right hand hasn’t been washed since Sunday and it smells like what I imagine decayed flesh mixed with antibacterial stuff would smell like if Bath & Body stuck that in a bottle and decided to sell it.

Posted in Husband | 1 Comment »

Stab Victim

Posted by parsingtime on April 6, 2009

Husband read a statistic about how most accidents happen in the home and since then he is always worried when I accidently stub my toe or have to use the step stool to get things from a high up kitchen cabinet. I always tell him I’m fine and that he worries too much. He does worry though because my mom has told him how much I take after my dad.  And between my dad and I, we have been to the emergency room so many times that we will be bleeding, have our eyes super glued shut or be suffering from brown recluse spider poison and she will still stop at home and pick up a book and a sweater. Our health be damned, she will not be bored or cold!

So I had a super busy day yesterday. A ton of work to finish to meet a deadline and my book club was coming over for dinner so Husband kindly did most of my household clean up chores while I worked. Around 2pm, I decided to surface for some lunch. Husband had been a rockstar and had done all the little chores I asked him to do and was finishing up our taxes. I decided to reward him by stabbing myself in the hand with kitchen scissors right in between the  thumb and forefinger of my right hand.

No really, I actually stabbed myself with kitchen scissors.  When I saw the blood spurting out and what looked like a bone to me (but what I found out later was sliced up  hand fat – uh, gross and I have realtively skinny hands), I looked over at Husband and said “oh my god, we have to go to the emergency room.” So we did. Husband got some gauze for my hand I slipped on my flip flops, grabbed my insurance card and we were off.

Lets keep in mind that I had not showered yet and was wearing the same embarrassing tank top from Boston without a bra. Anyway, two hours and several stitches later I got home, ran around trying to get things ready for the book club people which was surprisingly hard, given that I only had the use of one hand. The wine Husband had bought to serve at book club was aptly named Running with Scissors.

 My hand can’t get wet for 48 hours so I showered with my arm in the air encased in a plastic cleaning glove. The wound is also in the most awkward spot, so I can’t do anything that requires a pincer grip… I feel like I can’t really do anything.

I took a photo of the wound but Husband thinks it might be too much for delicate blog readers. So here’s a photo of me at urgent care. Notice the uncombed hair and one arm encased in a hoodie because I was so mortified by my pyjama-ed braless state. I’m putting pressure on the wound to keep it from bleeding.  You would think they would have professionals to do that, but no.

Urgent Care

Urgent Care

Posted in MOG | 2 Comments »

A Big Messy Scribble of Stuff

Posted by parsingtime on April 2, 2009

I keep getting junk emails from Satan, Lucifer and Beelzebub.  I think I preferred the enhance your penis emails over the Antichrist ones.

I’m not friends with anybody who smokes regularly. Do you suppose that people who would smoke are just not my type of people or is it because they smoke that I don’t like them? Husband thinks that it is because most people in our socio-economic level don’t smoke and that’s why we don’t have any smoker friends.

After almost four years of having a big messy scribble as my signature Husband has told me it is time I just learn how to sign my name with my new last name. So the scribble is no longer allowed. It isn’t my fault that I don’t like the first letter of my new first last name.  Honestly, the new signature I’ve come up with is first name initial, last name initial and a scribble after that.  It’s ugly but it’s not my fault that I had 20  odd years of signing my name Parsing Minutes and now am a Parsing Time.  It might take 20 odd years to get used to being Parsingtime.

Our renewal notice came in for apartment and our rent went up significantly.  We are looking around at the other complexes available that are closer to work and closer to where most of our friends live.  The advent of the internet really has made this a difficult process because you can read everyone’s reviews and every time I see “tons of roaches” in the review I just cross the complex off the list. We don’t have roaches here and I’m willing to pay the increased rent just to avoid potential roaches in a new location. The thought of packing up and moving (having moved in August 2005, August 2006, June 2008, potentially June 2009 and definitely June 2010 if not before ) doesn’t thrill me either, though it would be nice to live a bit closer to uptown.

My birthday gift to Husband was ruined…I told him I had bought it and not get all nosy checking my section of the credit card bill but he just can’t help himself and his obsessive compulsive financial tendencies.  So he is looking at it and says, “We have a bill from X.  Ha, funny because I know you would never buy me an X for my birthday.”  Uh, well I did buy X and since I could return it within 15 days I gave it to him early.  He liked it or at least he faked liking it and then admitted he already knew what I was buying.  All because he can’t help himself even when I tell him to mind his own business.  Well that’s fine. He missed out on the whole nine yards I had planned for his birthday. I give up.  This year really was a bust when it came to birthday gifts.

We have also recently started watching American Idol. Husband watches because Anoop is a contestant and he is determined to support the brown people. I watch because almost everyone we know here watches and are even in American Idol betting pools, so if I want to be able to contribute to the conversation I have to watch.  The problem is that I like to fast forward through pretty much the whole show (I only need to listen to about 15 seconds of singing and the Simon Cowell review and I’m done) but Husband actually likes to see the whole thing.  This is when I pull out my computer and start playing Bejeweled because I’m sure playing bejeweled kills less brain cells than American Idol.

Posted in MOG | 1 Comment »