More Annoyed than Amused


Posted by parsingtime on November 20, 2008

I’m home.

First, my grandmother would like you all to know that I looked much better when she last saw me in May. “Vat happened to you? You look nicer last time I see you.” Despite that, I took granny for a mani/pedi and to the Container Store where she roamed every aisle and bought about 20 different styles of pill containers. She told me that she gives them out to all the old people she sees (i.e. her friends) I decided not to point out that at 76 she counts as one of those old people. She also bought a passport holder and told me that if she had a big house she would buy lots of stuff from here and also, how my your mother (her daughter) never takes her out to these specialty stores.  I think the reason for that is my mother lacks patience. Oh and granny also wanted to stop into the Gap to see if they had a winter coat for her. She’s never been in the Gap, but she knows I go in there so surely there would be something for her. It took me ten minutes to convince her we should try Macy’s instead.

Second, I was about to get dressed this morning and I spied the dress I wore to the eighth grade dance in my closet. Yes, the dress I wore FOURTEEN years ago is still somehow in my house.  So of course being the deranged person that I am I put it on. First off, what was I thinking when I bought this dress? I remember whatever mall we were at not having my size and driving to another mall to buy it so clearly some effort was made for a dress that makes me look like one of those Fundamentalist Mormon women. It has shoulder pads and comes down to my ankles.   It is so hideous…though to be fair I was pretty tomboy-ish and conservative at that age. Regardless, I decided that a person who still fit into their eighth grade dance dress at almost 29 was no longer allowed to complain about the scale without being a complete and utter moron. Not that it will stop me but now I can refer to this post and know that I am obsessive and a moron. 

Speaking of old…we were speaking about how positively ancient I am feeling right? Nothing will make you feel older than seeing the next door neighbor kids. You know, the ones you’ve been babysitting since they were four months old? The oldest now has a learner’s permit and the youngest went to her first dance last week. I feel like I’ve missed a lot of their growing up in the almost four years I’ve been gone.

It’s weird to come home and know that while your life was moving forward so was everyone elses. Sure realistically you know that time marches on but when it’s staring you in the face telling you, “hey, you’re almost thirty, isn’t time you started wearing makeup regularly and stopped considering flip flops a primary form of footwear”  it’s painful to say that least.


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