Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for November, 2008

Fetish or Weird Indian Idiosyncrasy

Posted by parsingtime on November 29, 2008

I’ve just realized that I’ve never heard my MIL call my FIL by his first name. She always refers to him as Daddy or says Daddy to get his attention, which in itself is weird since both his kids call him Dad.

I’ve decided that I find this disturbing and sort of wish we spoke the same language so I could figure out either a. why she does this b. what she called him before they had kids or c. is this some sort of weird fetish thing between them.

And let’s be honest if it’s C my in-laws are going to be a lot more interesting to me.

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Posted in Family & Friends | 1 Comment »

Thanksgiving 2008

Posted by parsingtime on November 24, 2008

Plane Ticket to Houston: $300

Making Dinner: $100

Sitting around with your four best girlfriends gossiping about people you knew in high school and looking them up on Facebook? Priceless.

I’m having a great time in Houston so far. My friends from high school got together and we had a mini 10 year reunion. I’ve been eating good food, drinking bubble tea, have been waxed, filed, threaded and trimmed all for rock bottom Houston prices, have seen former co-workers, law school friends and family and I still have a big Thanksgiving dinner to look forward too as well as an engagement party for a college friend.

Hope you guys are having a great Thanksgiving week.

Posted in Family & Friends | 2 Comments »

Marching

Posted by parsingtime on November 20, 2008

I’m home.

First, my grandmother would like you all to know that I looked much better when she last saw me in May. “Vat happened to you? You look nicer last time I see you.” Despite that, I took granny for a mani/pedi and to the Container Store where she roamed every aisle and bought about 20 different styles of pill containers. She told me that she gives them out to all the old people she sees (i.e. her friends) I decided not to point out that at 76 she counts as one of those old people. She also bought a passport holder and told me that if she had a big house she would buy lots of stuff from here and also, how my your mother (her daughter) never takes her out to these specialty stores.  I think the reason for that is my mother lacks patience. Oh and granny also wanted to stop into the Gap to see if they had a winter coat for her. She’s never been in the Gap, but she knows I go in there so surely there would be something for her. It took me ten minutes to convince her we should try Macy’s instead.

Second, I was about to get dressed this morning and I spied the dress I wore to the eighth grade dance in my closet. Yes, the dress I wore FOURTEEN years ago is still somehow in my house.  So of course being the deranged person that I am I put it on. First off, what was I thinking when I bought this dress? I remember whatever mall we were at not having my size and driving to another mall to buy it so clearly some effort was made for a dress that makes me look like one of those Fundamentalist Mormon women. It has shoulder pads and comes down to my ankles.   It is so hideous…though to be fair I was pretty tomboy-ish and conservative at that age. Regardless, I decided that a person who still fit into their eighth grade dance dress at almost 29 was no longer allowed to complain about the scale without being a complete and utter moron. Not that it will stop me but now I can refer to this post and know that I am obsessive and a moron. 

Speaking of old…we were speaking about how positively ancient I am feeling right? Nothing will make you feel older than seeing the next door neighbor kids. You know, the ones you’ve been babysitting since they were four months old? The oldest now has a learner’s permit and the youngest went to her first dance last week. I feel like I’ve missed a lot of their growing up in the almost four years I’ve been gone.

It’s weird to come home and know that while your life was moving forward so was everyone elses. Sure realistically you know that time marches on but when it’s staring you in the face telling you, “hey, you’re almost thirty, isn’t time you started wearing makeup regularly and stopped considering flip flops a primary form of footwear”  it’s painful to say that least.

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Already Exhausted

Posted by parsingtime on November 18, 2008

Starting tomorrow we are out of town for 35 of the next 44 days.

I’m tired just reading that.

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Birth Control

Posted by parsingtime on November 16, 2008

Conversation we had while lying in bed this morning. We had spent the evening with friends, one of whom had a very cute, sweet Labrador.

I think I’d rather have a baby over a dog. What do you think?

I guess so. If I had to make a choice.

I mean after you’ve pet the dog and thrown the ball for a while it’s not like they do anything else.  It’s not like they can get you a glass of water.

You want to have kids so you have someone to do stuff for you?

No, it’s just an added benefit.

Indeed.

Posted in Conversations | Leave a Comment »

Foreclosure

Posted by parsingtime on November 15, 2008

My Mother discussing with Husband the fact that she and my Dad are looking for a home in California:

I’m going to have Parsing look at some of those foreclosure websites for me. She likes to look at stuff on the computer. And I don’t like skim.

Skim? You mean surf?

Yeah, that.

Posted in Conversations | Leave a Comment »

Nefertiti

Posted by parsingtime on November 12, 2008

Dear Nefertiti,

My entire body hurts, including my fingernails and eyeballs. Did you know it was possible for eyeballs to hurt from a kickboxing class? Kickboxing seems like such an innocuous name for your class. Perhaps you should consider renaming the class “Nazi Gestapo Torture without the Gassing” or “Death Squat Torture Camp with Nefertiti” or “Count Louder You Sniveling Pathetic Excuse of a Woman or I’ll Make You Do Sixteen More.”

These names may seem long but it is an accurate description of what happens in that mirrored sweat smelling room of yours. Recently, you’ve added weights to our class. I sort of hate you for this.  And yet, I keep coming back for torture three times a week, even waking up at ungodly hours on a Saturday to attend.

Why you might ask would I put myself through a class that feels like a cross between a Gulag camps and Guantanamo? Because I can now get into the jeans I was wearing on my first date with Husband in 1999. Don’t worry though, I’ll still keep attending since I still have to suck in to get them on. 

With Legs of Jelly,

Parsingtime

PS Making me kickbox with you today when no one else turned up? Just plain mean, especially when you wouldn’t stop the jumping squats even though I was having a heart attack . 

PPS The scale has not moved one little pound. I definitely hate the scale.

Posted in Me | 2 Comments »

Thirtieth

Posted by parsingtime on November 11, 2008

It was the in-laws 30th anniversary yesterday and they didn’t do anything special to mark the occasion, this conversation followed that revelation.

Promise me that we’ll do something to mark our 30th anniversary.

Well I can’t promise anything.

Nothing? What about dinner?

What if we are poor?

I’m not asking that we go to Nobu. We can go somewhere inexpensive.

Well I’m just trying to figure out what I’m promising. I don’t want to promise something I can’t deliver on.

Remember that Valentines Day when we went to Wanfu Too. That wasn’t expensive and we still had a nice time.

We went to Wanfu? For Valentines Day? When was that?

In College. Do you remember anything from when we dated?

I’m getting old.  I can’t remember all these things you remember.

Great. I’ll be lucky if you remember my name on our 30th anniversary.

Posted in Conversations | Leave a Comment »

Spam

Posted by parsingtime on November 10, 2008

From my Spam Box:

Subject: Michelle Obama cheats with McCane

These spammers really need to read the news so that they can at least spell their email smut correctly. People should have more pride in their jobs.

Also, sometimes I get spam messages from myself (my name at least) saying that my wife has hot naked photos waiting for me.  I then have to wonder how it’s possible that I have a hot wife I don’t know about.

And lastly, I received this today:

just want to say sorry for the rude mail earlier. i was upset and how wouldnot be rejection. any way, i dont want to be mad at any one and yeah we could have been friends but it looks like you have so many of them and do not need any new one. i am sure you are a nice person and  dont care about the apology , but sorry any way. 

There is a girl in London who has my same name and her email address is similar and every so often I get messages intended for her. Usually they have been work related emails but not today. Seems like someone had a little crush on her and she let him down. I emailed him back to tell him he got the wrong email address. Poor kid, but perhaps he would have better luck with her if he learned to write real sentences.

Edit: The kid wrote me back.  I say kid because he wrote back like an email is a text. I want to make some sort of edict stating that no child of mine will write in text but I know that one would probably come back to bite me in the ass. Plus it totally makes me sound like an old lady.

Posted in Random | Leave a Comment »

Radio Silence

Posted by parsingtime on November 8, 2008

There is a dearth of good radio stations here in Charlotte.  The few I have found are not great but better than listening to country music or the station that talks about cars and football.  Today I got in my car to go to the gym and TWO of the five decent stations have started playing Christmas music. Christmas Music! 

It’s November 8th. Isn’t after Thanksgiving the acceptable time to start playing Christmas music?

Charlotte, you are one of the fastest growing cities in the US, or you were before the banking disaster, you need better restaurants, better radio stations, things to do other than dinner and a movie and a place where I get my eyebrows threaded.  I’m not asking for a lot.

I promised to give you six months before I passed judgment on you as kind of a crappy city, but you’ve got less than two months left so you better pull your finger out and get to work.

Posted in Queen City | 1 Comment »