Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for September, 2008

P.I.T.A.

Posted by parsingtime on September 25, 2008

I’m all for the ethical treatment of animals but sometimes PETA goes too far.  Suggesting that Ben & Jerry’s use breast milk instead of cow milk in their ice creams is just ridiculous. 

They state that by using breastmilk it would lessen the suffering of the cows.  But what about the women using the breast pump? What about their suffering. 

Basically stuff like this makes me realize what a silly organization PETA is. Perhaps they are trying to make a point about the suffering of cows but this just manages to annoy me in its stupidity rather than make me think of the poor cows out on factory farms.

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Posted in MOG | 1 Comment »

I Need Gas

Posted by parsingtime on September 25, 2008

I know this is going sound very pompous and American of me…but really where the hell is all the gas? There is one Shell station still open and there are about 200 cars in line at the moment waiting to fill up. 

I have about a quarter tank left but I would waste it sitting and waiting at that Shell station for five hours waiting on my turn. And with my luck by the time I got to the front it would be all out.  

I use very little out of my fair share…I haven’t filled my car up since September 1st, surely that means I should be able to get to the front of the line?

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My Mother The Loan Shark

Posted by parsingtime on September 23, 2008

When I was sophomore I got into this summer political program at Georgetown. I had lined up an unpaid internship with Daniel Patrick Moynihan and I was SO EXCITED. A whole summer in Washington DC, one of my favorite cities ever.

I needed something like $5,000 for the summer to cover living expenses and the cost of the program. $5,000 which I definitely did not have. So I told my parents about the summer job I lined up and all the credit I would get from Georgetown that was transferable etc.  And, my mom said I couldn’t go. I think my Dad probably avoided the conversation completely because he is incapable of saying no to either my sister or I.  She said it was too expensive and with my sister starting at a private university in the fall it just wasn’t possible.  I was upset, naturally but I did some summer school, worked part-time and more or less forgot the whole episode. But for about a week it was traumatic, dramatic and clearly my mom didn’t want me to succeed in life.

Today I was telling my mom that I thought I would probably spend about $5,000 doing everything I need to do to get my little idea off the ground but that I had no idea if it would even be successful.  And she immediately responded with, well if you need a loan your dad and I will give it to you. I told her that I could make it on my own but that I appreciated the offer. She then said, well we could just make a real loan and instead of interest you can just give me 10% of your profits.  TEN percent, I said, you can’t have ten percent!  And she laughed.

When I told my mom about a trip to Australia I was hoping to take, she immediately offered up my dad’s frequent flier miles so that I wouldn’t have to pay for a ticket.  She also takes me shopping whenever I’m home and likes to slip $100 bills into my wallet before I leave. 

If she had been able to afford Georgetown eight years ago, she would have sent me. Especially since she now has a head for investment by trying to get ten percent out of me. Fortunately, Mama didn’t raise no fool.

Posted in Work | 1 Comment »

Where Am I

Posted by parsingtime on September 23, 2008

I’m waist high in what is known as making a mess of my work life. I think I should have just gritted my teeth and kept my mouth shut about good ol’ Lucius because actually doing something about the situation? Might make me crazy.

I don’t know how to use Microsoft Access. So I got Access for Dummies from the library which is slowly making me realize that this project is definitely much bigger than my skills. So I started drawing out what I want the database to look like and that is going fine. I tried to find a Access person to help me out. Do you know that Access programmers go for $100 an hour? Which seems way out of my budget.  But then, I decided that I could go the foreign route and get myself some cheap-er labor from Guatemala or India. And so that’s where I am. In need of a programmer.

I bounced the idea off a former co-worker, someone I really respect and she thought it had the potential to be a great idea. So now to bounce is off my former boss. If he likes it then making an investment of several thousand dollars is worth it, right?

I kind of feel like I jumped off the deep end only knowing doggy paddle.

Posted in Work | 2 Comments »

Only a Grandparent Would Love This Face

Posted by parsingtime on September 22, 2008

While wondering around the poorly organized Harris Teeter trying to find crushed tomatoes (were they with spaghetti sauces? No. Could it be with the other canned goods, like corn and beans? No. In fact it was in an aisle with sparkling water, jello and baking things, except not boxed cake mixes, just canned cherries and chocolate chips, which makes so much sense because the cherries were in a can and arered and crushed tomatoes are also found in a can and are red. What was I thinking? Silly me.) I walked by a couple several times as they walked slowly around the various aisles. As I was heading to check out the man, in his seventies at least, stopped me and said, “we just think you are so pretty, dear” while his wife nodded vigorously next to him.

Clearly I’ve got it going on with the AARP crowd.

Posted in Random | Leave a Comment »

Mojito Mania

Posted by parsingtime on September 19, 2008

Doesn’t that look refreshing and tasty?

Fresh Ber...

Here is how I make Mojito’s. I find Mixology kind of fun. There are very few alcoholic drinks that I like so I want to make what I do like well and usually that means throwing out several batches before getting it right.

So for this recipe you will need:

  1. Mint Leaves
  2. Sugar
  3. Rum – I use Bacardi light rum ($12-14 a bottle)
  4. Club Soda (don’t confuse this with tonic water…tonic water is gross)
  5. Ice
  6. Limes

Some mojito makers just throw the sugar in with the mint, muddle it up and Bob’s your uncle you have a drink. I however like to make simple syrup. 1 part water to 1 part sugar (1 cup/1cup is good for about 8-10 mojitos, I usually make a lot less), heated up until the sugar dissolves. I then add mint leaves to the simple syrup for about thirty minutes and then strain it and stick it in the fridge. You now have minty sugar water to add to your mojito. It seems time consuming but it is worth it.

So once that is ready…muddle (basically mash, but don’t over mash) mint leaves with 1 tablespoon of simple syrup. I use a bit more if I have lime-y limes, which may not make sense to you but try the recipe and you will know. Limes are not all created equal.  Add 1 tablespoon fresh squeezed lime juice (save the hull to throw in the drink for decorative purposes) Add 2 tablespoons of rum. Add 3 tablespoons of soda water, give it a stir, add some crushed ice and you’re done.

This makes a short drink. I am not really up for a ton of alcohol, so I usually make a smaller drink,  but if you have a tall glass just double everything and you’ll be all set (though I would hold back a bit on the lime juice and taste before you throw it all in).  You could also use a cocktail shaker for all of this but I don’t own one and stirring it all up in the glass seems to work just fine. Just don’t get rough with your muddling otherwise you’ll end up with a broken glass (ahem, Husband).

Oh and if you want to be fancy, you can add a tablespoon or two of some concentrated juice, like mango or raspberry or something and have Mango Mojitos! And since I never use the mint that I buy I throw it plus any leftover lime into a pitcher with water and you have minty water for the next day and it’s like being at the spa, without the hot masseuse.

Salud!

Posted in Recipes | Leave a Comment »

Today’s Happenings

Posted by parsingtime on September 18, 2008

You know how most accidents occur in the household? I almost stabbed myself in the stomach just now with a japanese knife. Fortunately I was carrying it upside down so the rounded end stabbed me instead of the sharp end but still it could have been ugly. Why you might ask were you carrying a knife toward you in the first place you might ask? Well I was putting away the cutlery from the dishwasher and our kitchen is poorly organized in terms of where drawer/cupboards are so I was carrying all the cooking untensils (as opposed to eating utensils) to their proper home and a spoon slipped from my hand and in my attempt to catch it and voila (pretend there is a little accent over the a, okay?)  knife to the stomach.

The saddest part of the whole stabbing is that this will be the most exciting story of my day to tell Husband.

Second happening of the day is that I am in the midst of defeating the girl at the gym that I hate. She talks on her cell phone ALL. THE. TIME. which I find very annoying and no matter what I do or what time I go she manages to be there (seriously, yesterday I went at 11 and she was there, today I went at 8 and she was there. She is totally stalking me. And really what does she do for a living? There aren’t that many people who work from home that are my age) . And she follows me around. If I’m running she chooses to run that day, if I’m using the medicine balls, she’s also using them.

So today I decided to follow her around. I finished my run early (after having to listen about her stupid date and what her mom ate for dinner last night) and started doing weights (where she followed me) and made sure I was close by for all of her activities. She left after 15 minutes. Ha. I plan on driving her away from the gym. I hope she gets fat and runs out of all her day time cell phone minutes. Clearly I’m evil, but people need goals in life, right?  

Speaking of mothers, my parents are still without power six days post Ike at home and at my mom’s business. I checked online and they aren’t expected to have power until September 25, which is a whole week away.  Not only is this bad for all the businesses in the area but it is terrible for all these hourly employees that aren’t getting paid because they can’t go to work.

And, given the state of things lately…the decline of Lehman and everything else going on in the banking world, along with the rapid decline of the stock market, housing foreclosures etc just proves that the recession I keep talking about is coming. I’m stressed about this. GWB keeps saying our economy is strong enough to handle the turmoil. I don’t think it is. It involves way to many sectors and too many things seem to be crashing at the same time.

I’ll leave you with this little gem of a conversation I had last night with Husband. After telling him I cleaned the bathrooms once a week, he responded with, “Really? Once a week? Doesn’t that seem a bit aggressive?”

Oh it’s aggressive alright, if for three years your bathroom was cleaned once a semester causing your lovely girlfriend to have to hover to pee in fear of getting a toilet-seat transmitted disease.

Posted in Random | Leave a Comment »

Fashion

Posted by parsingtime on September 16, 2008

It’s fashion week. I’m never going to be fashionable.

A model displays a creation from the Spring/Summer 2009 collection ...

Darth Vader is in, Princess Leia is out.

A model displays a creation from the Spring/Summer 2009 collection ...

This is really made for the Olympic ping pong players. You’ll never have to find your balls.

A model displays a creation from the Spring/Summer 2009 collection ...

Wearing endangered animals on your chest will not only show people how much you care about these poor creatures but also scare any small children you might come into contact with.

A model displays a creation from the Spring/Summer 2009 collection ...

Perfect first date outfit on mars.

A model displays a creation from the Spring/Summer 2009 collection ...

Always remember to match your head accessories with your eye wear. And purses are so last year. Stuffed animals stolen from your 5 year old are totally the way to go as long as they match the rest of your outfit

A model displays a creation from the Spring/Summer 2009 collection ...

No one is wearing real fur. PETA must be thrilled. The model looks thrilled.

A model displays a creation from the Spring/Summer 2009 collection ...

Oh wait, Princess Leia is still in. My mistake. I just would like to know where my cell phone and wallet goes in the red squirrel?

Posted in What the...? | 1 Comment »

Fire in the Hole

Posted by parsingtime on September 16, 2008

So I’ve been thinking about firing one of my client’s on and off for the last couple of months. I’ve called Husband multiple times near tears because my old boss left and there is now someone new calling the shots. The new person part doesn’t bother me so much has how he treats me. We’ll call him Lucius (For some reason I get a lot of pleasure out of bad guy alias’ from Harry Potter).

Lucius just doesn’t like me. I’ve never had issues with the quality of my work product before but now absolutely everything I do for Lucius is bad.  It is especially annoying to be on a conference call for him to praise a a piece of work that he thinks was done by someone other than me and then when another attorney points out that it was actually my work (in hopes that I will get credit) he will comment that maybe it’s not exactly right and he should take another look. It’s pretty blatant. I take copious notes on what he wants, do what he wants only to have him berate me on the phone about not giving him what he asked for.

It is especially frustrating given that no one ever challenges him in these meetings, yet just the other day I got a call from my old boss (she still works for the company but through a law firm now) basically saying (completely unprompted from me) that he is quite unfair and doesn’t ever seem to know what he wants.

He is a bad leader and doesn’t like me and I in turn don’t like working for him. It has been a problem. I’m used to working with decisive demanding people, most of whom I’ve thought were slightly scary.  This is my first experience with a person who just doesn’t know what they want and it has made me realize that I prefer the scary demanding bosses way more than the inept know-nothing ones.

All this is to say for the last two months I’ve been trying to figure out what to do.  I finally talked to Husband about what I was thinking and after berating me for waiting two months to tell him he has proclaimed that my idea might just work. See, I can’t just fire Lucius and company without another source of income.  Well I could, but then I would have to give up my organic oatmeal habit.

I’m writing this down so I stay on track. I’m going to use my free time to prepare a presentation, brochure and example database of what I do for the two Fortune 500s I work for. I think the idea is marketable to about 30 different companies and really I only need one of them to hire me in order to fire Lucius.  Most legal outsourcing companies focus on ways to help the law firm organize their information. What I do focuses on the company and saves them money from costly law firm bills.

Will it work? Perhaps not. Will I have to re-invest money into my company? Yes, but not much and most of the cost would come if I were lucky enough to present to one of these 30 companies (I imagine I would have to fly out on my own dime etc). Do I have any freaking idea of what I’m doing? No. Will I have to do things I absolutely hate to do? Yes, like selling.  I hate selling. Also the thought of having to learn Access makes me want to hurl.

It’s either a new job or a new client, and I’m not qualified to be a barista at Starbucks or in pharmaceutical sales.  All I want is a new client.  And yes, better the devil you know than the devil you don’t, but why work for someone who continually frustrates you if you have an option to do something else or make the situation more tolerable?

So I’ve decided. Excuse me while I go throw up.

Posted in Work | 2 Comments »

Sure

Posted by parsingtime on September 11, 2008

I can’t believe you wrote that on your blog. Now everyone is questioning my homosexuality. No real man uses the word cuddle.

HOMOSEXUALITY? 

I meant heterosexuality.

Sure that’s what they all say.

Posted in Conversations | 3 Comments »