Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for February, 2008

Timeline: Twenty-Five to Almost Twenty-Eight

Posted by parsingtime on February 28, 2008

2005: I graduate law school. Accept a job with law firm. I eat a lot of ice cream and chocolate while studying for the bar exam and get married four weeks after the bar exam (btw, random aside to say that someone told me recently I look a lot thinner now than I do in my wedding photos which makes me think I must have looked fat at my wedding but NO ONE TOLD ME – Random, Emilia I’m looking at you). I suffer from hives for the six months before my wedding. I argue more with Husband and my parents during wedding planning than I ever have before. Husband and I marry and I discover that married life is way better than affianced life will ever be.

2006: I start the year off with toxigenic ecoli that I caught in India. At the ER the doctor tells me the stomach pain is from too much vacation sex then says I may have kidney stones. I get a second opinion. Turns out he was wrong on both counts. Husband gets into business school. I start my own business. We move to Boston. I almost die because the first night we are there it is 57 degrees. In August. It is cold, but we meet so many awesome people that I forget about the cold for about five seconds. I buy my first pair of expensive shoes. They are wool lined snow boots not Jimmy Choos.

2007-2008: I don’t think I’m far enough from these years yet for anything to stand out in particular. 2007 was full of trips (Colombia, Argentina, India, Thailand, Singapore), living in India being the stand out since we were there for three months. I did discover that I really enjoy living overseas, I just wish my parents/good friends were living in the next time zone over and not 15 time zones over.

This year will be full of change (moving, Husband having a job again, me figuring out what to do with my life, making new friends etc) and of course 2008 will be known as the Year of the Hives: The Sequel.

Interestingly, thinking about my life in order to write this has made me realize that 1. things happen for a reason. Life may not play out exactly as you hoped but it all turns out better than you could have imagined in the end. Not getting into law school, loving the Animaniacs, playing Edmund Randolph — all those things changed my life in some way or another and all with good outcomes. 2. I’m in a really good place in my life.

Now if I could just get my thighs to cooperate and shed some girth I’d be in an awesome place.

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Timeline: Twenty-Two through Twenty-Four

Posted by parsingtime on February 27, 2008

2002: I start working. I retake the LSAT and score one point higher than last time. My boss at my new job writes a letter and forces the dean of my law school to admit me because he is important and has money. My boss is scary and I work long hours. I get more legal experience in the first three months of my job than my co-workers on the same level as me get in a year. I get over time. In one year I make more than double my quoted salary and save enough money to pay for law school. In cash.

I realize that being depressed last year was a waste of time because look how great this year has been for everything. Then Boyfriend breaks up with me. In Spain. I cry a lot for about four days and try to explain the whole sorry ordeal in Spanish to my house mom Fermina. Despite the fact that she responds with fresh watermelon and cookies I wish I were home and not in Spain. I’m weirdly happy that I’m not put into a deep funk over this breakup. In my mind being depressed over a lost career/life long goals is acceptable but over a man? When you are 22? Not allowed.

2003: I am in my second semester of law school. I date some people. They are all awful. I date a guy with lots of money, two fancy cars, patents and who can’t keep his hands to himself. I go out with this guy who tells me about the amazing chocolate cake on the dessert menu that we must order. We order it for dessert and then he tells me he is on a diet and does not take one bite. I decide that I don’t trust men who diet. I decide I hate to date. I study a lot.  Then, Boyfriend realizes I am the greatest thing that happened to him after the stockmarket, ROI and pani puri and we start dating again.

2004:  Boyfriend becomes Fiance. On the day we get engaged we are at Mozarts in Austin. He asks me to watch his bag while he orders drinks. I half watch the bag not realizing there is a huge, expensive engagement ring in there. I get an amazing job with a law firm that I love. I wear jeans to work and have a good amount of responsibility. I have gossipy co-workers whom I love and my assistant is a cute capable model (she remains the only assistant I have ever had). My boss will be instrumental to my life every year from this point onward (and in fact I had breakfast with him this morning!) although I don’t know it at the time. I visit Fiance in Korea where he has lost 15lbs of weight and cause him to have a real honest to goodness nervous breakdown. I will feel guilty about this for the rest of my life. I taste the worst ice cream I’ve ever tasted in my entire life (in Seoul) but I can’t gag because we are in front of Fiance’s boss.

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Toilet

Posted by parsingtime on February 24, 2008

Putting my arm in the toilet up to my elbow to fix the flushing issue ranks low on my list of things to do on a Sunday night.

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Firsts

Posted by parsingtime on February 24, 2008

For the first time in 27 years I got completely toasted last night (I’ve been semi-toasted before but it only took one drink the other two times). I also played drinking games for the first time in my life. This explains the aforementioned “toasted”.

We went to dinner with friends at Temple Bar in Cambridge. It was a great place with good food and a fun vibe (better than sister Bar’s Redline and Grafton Street in my opinion). I ordered their very excellent sangria and then I ordered another one because it tasted like really yummy fruit juice (and I wasn’t the only one). In hind sight ordering a second drink was not a good idea for a girl who drinks on average three times a month. The dessert menu didn’t look that great so we went to the CIA twins house for brownies and root beer floats. And that is where I learned to play Quarters.

Since my talents do not run towards bouncing quarters into a cup I lost several times and had to drink when I lost. It got to the point that Husband had to start taking them for me because I really couldn’t see straight enough to get the glass in the direction of my mouth.

I feel like I’ve finally crossed a threshold I should have crossed back in college. I’m a late bloomer I suppose but I feel like I’m enjoying it more now than I would have in college.

Removing that stick from my ass has been good for my fun quotient.

Posted in Me, Reviews & Recs | 2 Comments »

Once

Posted by parsingtime on February 24, 2008

I’m sort of obsessed with the music from the movie Once. For no good reason I might add because I haven’t seen the movie but I don’t think it has a happy ending because the music is sad.

Edit: It just won an Oscar! Also John Stewart was funny.

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Maryland

Posted by parsingtime on February 22, 2008

Hello kids from Charm City. Unfortunately, Baltimore holds no charm for me.

Northwest sucked hairy goat balls and gave me the finger by telling me that the only flight to Boston I could take was on Monday. It took almost an hour on the phone for them to figure this out. Today is the 22nd. I wouldn’t not be able to go home until the 25th and the thought of spending the weekend in Detroit was not appealing.

So I called all the other airlines. No dice, except for Southwest so I flew from Detroit to Baltimore and am now waiting on my three hour delayed flight to Providence.

Yes, Providence in Rhode Island. Which is funny because I live in Boston. I thought I would make it in time to take the last commuter rail from Providence into Boston but that was not to be. At least I’ll be in Boston on Saturday and not Monday.

What is really unpleasant is that I ate dinner at the airport which means I probably consumed 10,000 calories even making healthy choices. Also, the baby next to me puked. Seeing things like that make it so clear to me that I do not want to have a kid right now. Au Bon Pain just handed out free pound cake…which I did not take. Never trust free cake at an airport…it probably means it has been sitting out all day and people have sneezed on it and now they need to get rid of it. And trust me saying no to cake is not an easy thing.

This is a boring post…but I’m bored and at the airport with two more hours to go before I *cross my fingers* leave. Also I can’t call anyone to catch up with them because who is home on a Friday night? Very few people that’s who. Even my parents were too busy to talk to me.

Ugh.

Edit: I’m home. 

Posted in Travel | 2 Comments »

Reason #471: Why Living in the Northeast Sucks

Posted by parsingtime on February 22, 2008

You flight is cancelled 5 hours before you are due to take off and there isn’t a flight available for you to take until Monday. Maybe. If you are lucky. And are willing to provide the guy on the phone with some phone sex or a bank transfer of a million dollars.

Gah.

Posted in Massachusetts, Travel | 1 Comment »

Phone Conversation

Posted by parsingtime on February 19, 2008

Hi

Hey

thinking… is this Joel?

Uh, so what’s going on.

Nothing, just calling you back.

It doesn’t sound like Joel. But maybe I’m wrong.

Oh, uh great. How are you doing?

Fine. Nancy says hi.

Nancy who the hell is Nancy?

I’m sorry who is this?

Ian.

Do I know any Ian’s? Two but both are in Husband’s class and their spouses are not named Nancy.

I think you have the wrong number.

This isn’t Lisa?

No.

I thought you sounded different.

You have the wrong number. Bye.

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Timeline: Fifteen through Twenty-One

Posted by parsingtime on February 15, 2008

1995: Sophomore year. I go to Egypt and see the pyramids. I don’t remember much from this year for some reason. Emilia gets me through Algebra. We study at her house and I’m introduced to the awesomeness of the green bean casserole.

1996: I learn to drive and get my first car this fixes the issue that started in 1994 of my mom forgetting to pick me up. I meet Random the first day of band camp. My band director tells Emilia and I that there is a new flute player we should friends with. We pick the wrong 0ne however are happy nonetheless because the other one is kind of slutty. Random and I bond over the Animaniacs. She has the watch and I have the hat.

1997: I take the SATs on my birthday. After the exam Random and my friends throw a birthday party for me, my first one since moving to the United States. For the first time since 1989 I have really close friends. I find out that I’m graduating 25 out of 626 kids. I think this is really good until I realize all my friends are graduating in the top 10.

1998: My grandparents die. I find myself more upset over my dad’s grief than over my own. I start college and Random and I are roommates. Never in the history of roommates have you met more courteous, well matched roommates. Random spoils me for all other roommates including Husband. The shower in Random and I’s dorm sprays out what amounts to a warm rainforest’s mist of spray. Random and I spend 9 months in a semi-state of dirtiness.

1999: I decide that I’m going to graduate college in three years instead of four. Random introduces me to Husband who I think likes Random. This is not the case. I begin to work at the State Capitol. This is my best job ever and encompasses everything I love about government even though I do not get paid and mostly answer constituent letters.

2000: I spend the summer studying for the LSATS. I do not work though I do take one summer school class. I hope that I can break my standardized test taking curse. I take a preparatory class. I score ridiculously poorly. When I learn my scores I am in San Francisco with Husband who is at that point Boyfriend. He thinks I’m catching a cold when in fact I cried from 4am pacific time outside the hotel room until he woke up at 8am.

2001: I’m back working at the state capitol only this time I’m getting paid, I have a title and get to write speeches. I apply and do not get into law school. I tell my employers that I’ve “deferred” law school for one year to work because they think I’m smart and I don’t want to correct their mistake. I find myself in a depressed state. I try to get mental health services only to be told that I would have to wait six weeks to get an appointment. I push myself out of my funk by sheer force of will and get a job post graduation. My quoted salary is $28,400. This seems like a lot of money to me. I also spend Spring Break of this year in Iraan, no that is not a misspelling. I continue to have fond memories of that trip even though it was a complete disaster.

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Happy Valentines

Posted by parsingtime on February 14, 2008

Husband had hiccups last night. He came to bed with hiccups and every time he hiccuped the bed shook.

He had them for an hour. THE BED SHOOK EVERY TWELVE SECONDS.

Then I had the thought that maybe he might have them forever because I remembered reading some article about a man who had hiccups for two years straight.

Then I thought, and people I’m not proud of this: I can’t be married to a man who has hiccups forever. How will I sleep?

Those vows were for better or worse not for better or worse and even if you are a raving lunatic because you can’t sleep because your Husband has hiccups.

Vows need to be more specific.

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