Parsingtime

More Annoyed than Amused

Archive for February, 2007

Wachusetts

Posted by parsingtime on February 27, 2007

Reason Number 4 why living in the Northeast Rocks:

Skiing on a Tuesday.

We were at the Mountain at 9, skied until 3ish and back home and showered by 5. Completely great day.  Also, I tried a blue run (I’ve skied oncebefore) and I’m so not ready for that yet. I reached speeds that I should not have reached and ended up sliding down part of the mountain on my ass. I rocked. I’m more comfortable on the green runs and I’m okay admitting that. Novice skiing is fun.

Also, I just put a chinese takeaway (with a metal handle) in the microwave for 2 minutes and nothing happened. It was an accident, I swear. The food was inedible regardless.

Kitchen Nazi and mouse time tonight. Let’s hope the nazi and the mouse don’t make an appearance

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27

Posted by parsingtime on February 25, 2007

So I have a birthday coming up in a few weeks. I’ve been feeling a bit uncomfortable with 27 for numerous reasons. One being, it is a hell of a lot closer to 30 than the 25 my brain thinks I am (no seriously, every time someone asks how old I am I have to think because I always want to say 25). 

I hate that I’ve moved away from the targeted age group of 18-25 and now am in 26-35 and that I have to fill that out on forms. My new age group was also brought home to me when today I received a copy of Newport News.  NEWPORT NEWS. Am I seriously their target market female?  Do I belong in clothes like these?

Embroidered maillot

A swim skirt? I don’t think so. I may have my father’s thighs but I still look good in a bikini.

High-neck lace top

Am I of an age where all I can show are my hands and neck?  I hope not.

Tie-front leather jacket

A denim skirt that comes with an in-built chastity belt.  No man could get through that skirt.

Ankle-length cover-up dress

This is a cover up dress, for over your bathing suit on the beach. THIS IS A COVER UP DRESS. It looks like a shroud.

I really hope that I’m not the Newport News demographic because if I am 27 is looking pretty damn grim.

Posted in Me | 1 Comment »

Husband is Gross

Posted by parsingtime on February 25, 2007

As you read this conversation please keep in mind that Husband likes to take 40 minute showers.

Thursday evening, midnight, lying in bed

Husband: Do you think I’m gross because I didn’t shower today (he showered the night before after his swimming class and woke up late for class and therefore decided to give the shower a miss)
Me: Well you did shower yesterday evening…but I guess that doesn’t count since it was such a quick shower for you (20 minutes vs. the usual 40)
Husband: No, I had a really good shower I used soap and everything
Me: …. (mouth slack in shock)
Me: It really concerns me that soaping isn’t something…oh my…you don’t always use soap?
Husband: (bursts into fits of giggles) HAHA, I’m so gross and you have to sleep next to me.
Me: (Screechy voice) YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING. DON’T TOUCH ME.

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Kitchen Nazi Part II

Posted by parsingtime on February 25, 2007

I’ve decided that Kitchen Nazi (who teaches my cooking class) is just a bad teacher. She is a great chef, no doubt about it but she criticizes new cookers in a manner that is so denigrating I’m surprised they haven’t quit.  She needs to realize we aren’t at the Cordon Bleu, we are all just basic/beginner cooks wanting to learn more.

This week my soup was too salty (which no one else in the class agreed with. Only Kitchen Nazi thought I was heavy handed with the white stuff).  Oh well, others were criticized for more egregious cooking follies. 

Also, there was a mouse in the kitchen. Kitchen Nazi blew it off as “this is an old Boston house, mice are everywhere.” Quite frankly I don’t think mice should be in any kitchens…just look at what happened to Taco Bell this week.

Posted in Food & Drink | Leave a Comment »

Shocking

Posted by parsingtime on February 21, 2007

Was anyone else shocked by this weeks Economist? The obituary in particular is usually someone random that I have only barely heard about, e.g. Abbe Pierre, David Rattray, Alice Lakwena. This week’s obituary was for Anna Nicole Smith.

I was completely unimpressed. She and Britney Spears have been in the news way too much. I’m not that interested.  Is she in rehab, out of rehab, are they going to bury her in the Bahamas or Texas? Seriously, who cares.

Anyway, I was quite shocked. And just for the record I think Britney should be in rehab, no sane woman shaves her head for no apparent reason, especially if your livelihood is made through your looks.

Oh come on, you don’t think she can sing either.

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

Central Kitchen

Posted by parsingtime on February 18, 2007

Overall I have been extremely disappointed with the food I’ve eaten in Boston. Last night we went to Central Kitchen with two other couples. The atmosphere was dark and relatively quiet, however the menu was uninteresting and very limited (one of the girls in our party is kosher and therefore only eats seafood/vegetarian while out). That plus our meal costing $84 was not impressive.  I’m continually amazed at how over priced and bad food is here. This place was recommended by a ton of people on-line, one person from Dallas, and several other people we know in real life.

What does it take to get good food here? I’m happy to pay for good food, but paying a lot of money for really average food is just upsetting. Also, Central Kitchen needs to invest in another door. Most places in Boston have two doors. One door that leads you into a small overheated entry way and another door that leads into the actual restaurant. The first door and entry way combination keeps patrons from freezing there asses off every time the door opens bringing with it a blast of icy 20 degree air. Go buy a second door.

We also went to Pho Lemongrass on Friday. Another terrible meal. Both Husband and I enjoy Vietnamese food, but this place was not good. How I miss my Banhmi in Houston. We keep trying new places in the hopes of finding something we really like. Unfortunately, there isn’t one place in our new city where I crave the food.  There isn’t even one place where I crave the dessert and that is just sad.

If anyone has any recommendations I’m open to suggestions.

Posted in Food & Drink | Leave a Comment »

Dear Husband

Posted by parsingtime on February 18, 2007

Dear Husband,

Leaving one sheet of toilet paper on the roll is not acceptable. The token female of the apartment needs more than one sheet. Just put a new roll on, okay? In return I promise never to show you the UNUSED tampon box that freaks you out so much. Because that is clearly worse than leaving someone stranded with one sheet of toilet paper.

Also, that mustache you think is so funny? It needs to go away. I plan on withholding food, sex and anything else I can think of until it disappears. It is scary and gross and I refuse to put up with it.

Sincerely,

Wife, aka She who finds facial hair a deal-breaker, especially disgusting mustaches.

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Ho Hum

Posted by parsingtime on February 15, 2007

Another wrong movie from blockbuster on-line. They just got a sternly worded email from me. They ruined our valentines day movie watching plans. Other than that Valentines was good. I made a great meal, which is not always the case when I try new recipes. Husband and I also drank an entire bottle of 1998 Dom Perignon. This morning was painful to say the least. We received the bottle as a gift and kept putting off drinking it for a special occasion, as an occasion special enough hasn’t presented itself in the last year we just decided to drink it. It was good.

People have been reaching this blog but googling “dying and night moaning,” “John Mayer’s Parents,” and “lady at the time of labour pain.” I do so love this feature of wordpress. It is also interesting to note that since I started this blog I have gotten on average 8 hits per day and my maximum number of hits was 25. Now since Indiagate I get at least 160 views per day and one day even had 300 views. For some reason it makes me uncomfortable that the NRI blogging population now knows I exist and are watching for me to insult their country.  Hi, NRI bloggers! So glad you could stop by.

In other news, I started cooking classes on Tuesday. I’m taking a four week basic cooking skills class so that I can learn how to pair herbs and spices with various meats/veggies etc. Basically I want to be a better improvisational cook. The class started out with the french chef berating my japanese chefs knife, in front of the whole class. So embarassing. She is also a bit of a cooking nazi (she berated several other people for their inability to cut roasted red peppers and lack of salt in their dish etc — hello we all signed up for the class so could learn not because we are already awesome cooks!). Hopefully next week will better. If I wanted to pay to be abused in the kitchen I would go to the Cordon Bleu.

Posted in Random | 1 Comment »

Snow!

Posted by parsingtime on February 14, 2007

Husband and I woke up this morning at the crack of dawn to the sound of big loud snow movers (who knows what they are actually called, I certainly don’t) which were moving all the snow that had fallen last night from the paths.

It is currently sleeting icy pebbles, which hopefully didn’t bean Husband on his way to school. I have the urge to just get back into bed and stay there all day.

Also, there is some sort of cosmic barrier around our apartment. There is absolutely NO SNOW at all on our balcony. Very bizarre.

EDIT: Cripes it is snowing sideways with an intensity I’ve never seen before. The balcony is no longer cosmically protected.

Posted in Massachusetts | 3 Comments »

Public Service Announcement for the Men

Posted by parsingtime on February 13, 2007

What not to buy for Valentines day:

 

Scales are a bad idea. Always.

Bikini Trimmer. This will not get you laid. I promise.

This is wolf urine. They sell it on Amazon. No, seriously. I don’t know what you would use it for but don’t buy it because you are likely to end up with wolf urine on your head.

Ball and Chain shirt. This may seem like a good way to show you feel like you are in a committed long-term relationship. She isn’t going to like it. I would give it a miss.

All cleaning appliances are a bad idea, unless she asks for a Dyson in which case anyone who has used one will understand why you gifted it.

Ninja Hand Claw

Ninja hand claw. Don’t remind her why she can’t take you home to mom and dad. She knows you are a 12 year old boy inside but she doesn’t want to see phyiscal evidence of that.

Also stay away from halitosis pills, sex books, diet books, costumes, your ear (I don’t think it worked for Van Gogh), anything that makes your buddies laugh uproariously.

Posted in Reviews & Recs | 3 Comments »