Questions the NY Times thinks you and your partner should discuss before getting married. Hmmm…
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
Yes to the children, just not any time this decade, okay? If we were basing the primary caregiver on who had the least expensive grad school I would win. If we were basing this on who was most capable of being a primary caregiver I would win again. With regards to who has the most earning potential, Husband wins that. So the math clearly shows that if we want to eat and have our children live, I will be the primary caregiver.
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
I pay the bills, Husband manages our portfolio. We only disagree the expensive electronics he covets and the fact that I don’t ever buy the things I want and then moan about it later (he is a good husband and never questions me on my spending). And no, you can’t buy a camcorder and say it is my fun birthday gift. I don’t want a camcorder.
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
No, no and no. I like clean, Husband can take it or leave it. I also get bitter about once a month (when I’m hormonal and stuff) and moan about the fact that I work, cook and clean and all he does is go to school, which is a completely unfair view of the situation but like I said, once a month I get a bit crazy. I do wish Husband cared more about cleanliness and he wishes I was less anal.
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
I faint for no apparent reason and frequently hypnic jerk in my sleep but other than that I’m healthy. We both seem mentally sound.
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
I wish Husband would call me snookums cuddly wuddly sweetest babycakes, but so far he hasn’t gone for it.
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
Yes. And FYI, Husband, let’s not spend frequent amounts of time at our parents house again, okay? There are no locked doors at my house and at his, well his mother likes to knock on our door at inopportune times which really interferes with my preferences.
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
No, but laptops are a whole different story.
8 ) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
Of course, we are so in tune with each other or did I mean we tune each other out? I can’t remember.
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
Uh, sure.
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
Yes, but sometimes we give white lie excuses not to go out with them because we just want to stay in, eat pizza and sit on the couch with some Ben and Jerry’s and a movie.
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
Yes and Yes.
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
We both plead the fifth. But we know each other well enough to know that answer without making it public here.
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
Mmm. Husband will not give up his electronics habit. Even though there are a pile of gadgets collecting dust in our small apartment. I’m not prepared to care about the stock market as much as Husband, unless it goes to zero in which case I will be very upset.
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
Umm, hello, I’ve been doing this our whole marriage. Dallas, Boston and now India. I’m not bitter though…Boston has turned out to be great (except for the bitter cold) for us and India is pretty short term. If I ever get to be the Secretary of State or Ambassador to Fiji Husband will move for me.
15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
Yeah, but let’s face it, we haven’t gone through anything that hard yet. Hell, getting through wedding planning was tougher than being married!
