27

So I have a birthday coming up in a few weeks. I’ve been feeling a bit uncomfortable with 27 for numerous reasons. One being, it is a hell of a lot closer to 30 than the 25 my brain thinks I am (no seriously, every time someone asks how old I am I have to think because I always want to say 25). 

I hate that I’ve moved away from the targeted age group of 18-25 and now am in 26-35 and that I have to fill that out on forms. My new age group was also brought home to me when today I received a copy of Newport News.  NEWPORT NEWS. Am I seriously their target market female?  Do I belong in clothes like these?

A swim skirt? I don’t think so. I may have my father’s thighs but I still look good in a bikini.

Am I of an age where all I can show are my hands and neck?  I hope not.

A denim skirt that comes with an in-built chastity belt.  No man could get through that skirt.

This is a cover up dress, for over your bathing suit on the beach. THIS IS A COVER UP DRESS. It looks like a shroud.

I really hope that I’m not the Newport News demographic because if I am 27 is looking pretty damn grim.

Husband is Gross

As you read this conversation please keep in mind that Husband likes to take 40 minute showers.

Thursday evening, midnight, lying in bed

Husband: Do you think I’m gross because I didn’t shower today (he showered the night before after his swimming class and woke up late for class and therefore decided to give the shower a miss)
Me: Well you did shower yesterday evening…but I guess that doesn’t count since it was such a quick shower for you (20 minutes vs. the usual 40)
Husband: No, I had a really good shower I used soap and everything
Me: …. (mouth slack in shock)
Me: It really concerns me that soaping isn’t something…oh my…you don’t always use soap?
Husband: (bursts into fits of giggles) HAHA, I’m so gross and you have to sleep next to me.
Me: (Screechy voice) YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING. DON’T TOUCH ME.

Kitchen Nazi Part II

I’ve decided that Kitchen Nazi (who teaches my cooking class) is just a bad teacher. She is a great chef, no doubt about it but she criticizes new cookers in a manner that is so denigrating I’m surprised they haven’t quit.  She needs to realize we aren’t at the Cordon Bleu, we are all just basic/beginner cooks wanting to learn more.

This week my soup was too salty (which no one else in the class agreed with. Only Kitchen Nazi thought I was heavy handed with the white stuff).  Oh well, others were criticized for more egregious cooking follies. 

Also, there was a mouse in the kitchen. Kitchen Nazi blew it off as “this is an old Boston house, mice are everywhere.” Quite frankly I don’t think mice should be in any kitchens…just look at what happened to Taco Bell this week.