What not to buy for Valentines day:
Scales are a bad idea. Always.
Bikini Trimmer. This will not get you laid. I promise.
This is wolf urine. They sell it on Amazon. No, seriously. I don’t know what you would use it for but don’t buy it because you are likely to end up with wolf urine on your head.
Ball and Chain shirt. This may seem like a good way to show you feel like you are in a committed long-term relationship. She isn’t going to like it. I would give it a miss.
All cleaning appliances are a bad idea, unless she asks for a Dyson in which case anyone who has used one will understand why you gifted it.
Ninja hand claw. Don’t remind her why she can’t take you home to mom and dad. She knows you are a 12 year old boy inside but she doesn’t want to see phyiscal evidence of that.
Also stay away from halitosis pills, sex books, diet books, costumes, your ear (I don’t think it worked for Van Gogh), anything that makes your buddies laugh uproariously.
